girl with a mission

Summer Holidays

2011-08-17T14:09:00.012Z

My first official summer holiday as a primary school teacher. It has been a good two terms and now looking forward to my last term until I transfer from a NQT to a QT.

Well, I have not wasted my freedom and spent the first two weeks of my holiday touring Canada and America. This was a first as I have never had the confidence to fly so far, actually to be honest I have never had the confidence to fly until the last 2 years when I decided I wanted to go abroad for my honeymoon.

We (Husband and Parent in laws), started off in Banff and toured round the Rockies exploring the beauty of God's creation as I was able to photograph glaciers, lakes, mountains, hummingbirds, rivers, waterfalls, Bears, Elks, Chipmunks, flowers, trees...it was spectacular!

The lakes and rivers were so blue because of the glaciers. On the 3rd day we went on a canoe on Lake Louise which was stunning. The lake had been frozen until June and only a few weeks before we arrived it had been snowing. We stayed in B&Bs as we travelled round the Rockies including one stunning place in Mount Robson (highest mountain in Canada). It was here where we began to see the Hummingbirds. They are tricky to take pictures of because they move to quickly yet gracefully through the air.

The reason we went to Canada was to attend my Cousin in laws wedding in Kelowna. So after a week in the Rockies we headed over to Kelowna for a few days. Kelowna is beautiful with vineyards everywhere and a huge lake where everyone hangs out in their boats. It is similar to the South of France with it's Mediterranean feel. The wedding was outside and was beautiful - the family made a big deal that we came over for the wedding and made us big hats with feathers in to celebrate our tradition of fascinators at weddings. Following the Royal Wedding, fascinators became fashionable in Canada.

But, it was after the wedding when the Holiday began to speed up. The next day we travelled to Vancouver to go whale watching! This was my part of the trip, something I have wanted to do forever. One of my favourite films as a child was Free Willy and I had always wanted to see Orca in the wild. It was so awesome actually seeing them diving in and out of the water. They were slow swimming so there weren't any Free Willy moments of spyhopping or lobtailing but on one occasion we did see one of them breeching.

The boats had to keep 200m away from the Orcas as they are endangered. Following our time in Vancouver, we caught a plane to Las Vegas where we stayed in the MGM Grand Hotel and Casino before driving down to the Hoover Dam and the Grand Canyon. It was really hot and humid which was a complete shock to some of our wet, cold days in the Rockies. But WOW the Grand Canyon was breath taking. On our second day there we flew over the Grand Canyon in a helicopter. I wasn't sure if I'd like it as I had heard of people having motion sickness but I didn't feel anything and was able to really enjoy the vastness of the Canyon. It is amazing how it was formed and really makes you realise how small you are and how big our Lord is.

It was a good end to our holiday as my husband and I then began our journey home flying from Flagstaff to Phoenix to Las Vegas to Montreal to London! If I could only leave you with one impression from this amazing two week experience it would be - How awesome is our God!

Married

2010-08-14T18:06:00.004Z

Wow it has been a long time since I last updated this blog. Well a lot has changed...I am no longer a Miss but a Mrs as I got married four weeks ago on the 17th July 2010 to the most amazing Godly man!

We had such an amazing day filled with laughter and love. We promised to love each other as Christ loves us and to keep Christ at the centre of our marriage as Dave leads me and as I submit to his leadership.

The weather was good for us and we got some amazing photos which I particularly appreciate as a photographer. The food was yummy and the speeches were hilarious as my Dad dragged out a video of me singing when I was 4 about the fact that you can't get a man with a gun hehe (sung in a cowgirl outfit). The evening involved a barn dance which everyone enjoyed but I was exhausted and ready to sleep. Then as a surprise as we left my father-in-law set up an amazing fireworks display ending with D<3>

A perfect day which was truly blessed by God.

The end of the Noughties

2009-12-30T18:02:00.004Z

Well this decade has been very eventful and life changing, as I assume as decades will be.

Recently I have turned 21 which was very exciting. My fiance took me to London to see Lion King at the theatre - was amazing! We also went on the london eye, oxford street, harrods and a nice french restaurant. Was such an amazing day.

Currently I am at the the in-laws waiting to the turn of the decade. We're celebrating the new year with a big family gathering and a BBQ - it's all very exciting.

Also, I passed my QTS skill tests the other day. Passed them all first time - was so happy when it was Maths. So, there is just placement, dissertation and 3 other assignments left until i'm finished.

Finally, I'm getting married in 199 days!! yay!!!!!!!

God is soooooooooooo gooooooooooooooooood!!!!

Update on life

2009-10-13T13:33:00.002Z

I've suddenly felt compelled to write on my blog. This is most likely due to not wanting to write my assignment but that doesn't matter.

Ok so I'm in my 3rd year of uni now - final year! There are loads of assignments to be doing, as well as thinking of what dissertation I want to do. Then in Jan I'll be starting my final placement in school and it will be the last time I'll get called Miss!!!

The Wedding plans are going well. Feeling quite organised as I tried to get big things completed before I started back at uni. So, I have my dress, church, venue and band. There are still loads to do and it is constantly at the back of mind to get things done. A big one at the moment is trying to sort out the bridesmaid dresses. My bridesmaids are Bec (my best friend since forever), Jen (Dave's amazing sister) and a lovely young girl at our church who is the daughter of the couple we are accountable to and will be doing marriage prep with.

It's also really exciting in the house because my housemate is getting married as well - 2 weeks after us! So, the house is wedding crazy hehe. We comically watched Bride Wars and had a giggle about turning each others hair blue - hehe.

I also need to be applying for jobs soon and taking my QTS skill tests - the numeracy one looks really hard and I really don't know how I'm going to pass it.

Well, that's it really for now. Going to continue with my English assignment and hopefully get it completed soon as it is in for next week :(

God bless :)

There can never be a more beautiful you!

2009-09-29T10:56:00.002Z

I just found a song by Jonny Diaz called More Beautiful You. I've found it so encouraging and something I needed to hear :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ks3R2BwyO0

Little girl fourteen flipping through a magazine
Says she wants to look that way
But her hair isn't straight her body isn't fake
And she's always felt overweight

Well little girl fourteen I wish that you could see
That beauty is within your heart
And you were made with such care your skin your body and your hair
Are perfect just the way they are

There could never be a more beautiful you
Don't buy the lies disguises and hoops they make you jump through
You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do
So there could never be a more beautiful you

Little girl twenty-one the things that you've already done
Anything to get ahead
And you say you've got a man but he's got another plan
Only wants what you will do instead

Well little girl twenty-one you never thought that this would come
You starve yourself to play the part
But I can promise you there's a man whose love is true
And he'll treat you like the jewel you are

So turn around you're not too far
To back away be who you are
To change your path go another way
It's not too late you can be saved
If you feel depressed with past regrets
The shameful nights hope to forget
Can disappear they can all be washed away
By the one who's strong can right your wrongs
Can rid your fears dry all your tears
And change the way you look at this big world
He will take your dark distorted view
And with His light He will show you truth
And again you'll see through the eyes of a little girl

Fireproof - Never leave your partner behind

2009-09-16T16:13:00.000Z

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uzc0v5P5kg8

Engaged!

2009-07-12T13:01:00.008Z

After all these years of posting about my future husband and the battle I have faced waiting patiently and whole heartedly...I am now, through God's almighty leading...engaged!

Dave proposed on 9.07.09. He took me out for such a romantic day...

In the morning Dave picked me up and told me we were going out for the day. So, with no idea where we were going, he began to drive. I kept gazing over at the sat nav thinking, “where are we going that will take 11 minutes? What is going on?” We finally arrived at Sudeley Castle and my whole face lit up, I had wanted to go there for so long. We got out the car and I began to wonder why Dave looked like a pack horse with a rucksack on his back and a camera bag on his shoulder. He kindly paid as we entered the gardens at the front of the castle where Dave turned around and gave me a card. He informed me that I would be receiving eight of these throughout the day and I would have to get the answer correct on the card to be able to get the next one. I started panicking and wondered if I was being tested on school work or bible trivia. I soon opened the card to find that it was a question about our relationship (some of them were multiple choice). When I answered the question on the front he allowed me to open the card. Inside it was full of writing about the answer and how much he loved me. I was so amazed and happy, I love letters and romantic writing like that, and I couldn't believe he had done it for me.

We carried on with our day exploring the gardens and castle. I took so many photos, I was in my element. We were even chased by a peacock as we were walking through the bird sanctuary. As lunch time arrived I wondered what were we going to eat as earlier in the day I had questioned Dave if I had to bring anything but he informed me that everything was sorted. So, as tummies began to rumble Dave lead me to a patch of grass under a tree and laid down a rug. He then began unloading this massive rucksack that he had been carrying round all morning. I was shocked by how much he pulled out...seemed like a Mary Poppin’s bag as; cups, plates, strawberries, bubbles, drinks, sandwiches, chocolate, fruit, moose’s, all appeared on the rug. He hand-made me my favourite sandwiches and wrapped them up. He placed them on my lap and gave me such a cheeky smile. I was in awe by how much hard work and planning had gone in to the day. After we had eaten he handed me another question card, by this point I had received about four through the morning. It was another multiple choice but I was warned that some were coming up that didn’t have choices. We then started blowing bubbles and tried to take some photos. We were amused by how the wind was blowing so hard that we didn’t need to do anything. Not long later we packed up the picnic and continued with our day at Sudeley Castle, taking more photos...some silly and some serious, as we enjoyed each others company.

Half way through the afternoon we left Sudeley Castle and decided to go to Cleave Hill to fly our kites. We decided to go back to my house first to pick up a blanket to keep warm. When I walked through the door I found a card in the post...from Dave. I opened it up and on the front of it it read “Will you...” and inside “...spend the day with me?” My heart stopped for a moment thinking what is this but I should have guessed with Dave’s winding up nature that it would be a joke. So, we continued up Cleave Hill, now with my mind racing wondering what his intentions were for the day. Once again, I received another question card which didn’t have a multiple choice and said “When was the first time I said I love you?” I knew the answer straight away and actually felt quite chuffed with myself for knowing the date.

It was fun flying the kites as the wind came and went; making our kites impossible to fly successfully. We didn’t stay there for long and Dave informed me that he was taking me home to get dressed up and he would pick me up later. So off home we went and my mind couldn’t stop wondering what we were going to be doing next...the day was so exciting and so well planned.

It was 7pm when Dave rang on the door bell. I stepped out the door with one of my favourite dresses on and Dave was a gentleman and complimented me on my outfit. He gave away no clues for what we were doing as he drove me back to his flat. When he opened the door to his flat I began to smell something familiar...Chinese food. I stepped into the living room and was amazed to see the room laid out with blankets and cushions. The room was lit with candles and on the side there were tea light candles spelling out ‘Love D+E’. It was so beautiful and then he handed me some red roses. I couldn’t believe all the work he had done for it; especially as I considered myself the planner in the relationship. He continued to give me the question cards throughout the evening as we sat and ate our favourite Chinese meal. Afterwards, he guided me outside to look at the horizon; it was beautiful as the sun was setting behind the buildings. At this point Dave had disappeared and told me to stay out there. In confusion I did what he asked and wondered, yet again, what he was up to as suspicions entered my mind. Then Dave called my name as he walked onto the Balcony, he told me it was time to open the last question card. All Dave could do was smile which made me wonder if this was going to be the answer to this wonderful day. I pulled the card out the envelope and read the words, ‘Guess what...’ As I read it out loud Dave got down on one knee, pulled a rose from behind his back and told me how much he loved me and how he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and wanted to serve me and have a Godly relationship...and then he said those amazing words...“Will you marry me and be my wife?”. At this point I was in floods of tears and jumped into his arms, all I could do was smile and giggle. I soon realised that I hadn’t actually answered him and said, “That’s a yes by the way”. He then pulled out a Haribo ring and placed it on my finger...I laughed so much and he explained how he was still waiting for the ring he had ordered and should get it next week. I was fine and thought it was an amazing idea!

You would think the story ends here...oh no. The next day I was at work and I had been texting Dave in the morning as we confirmed with each other who we had told. All of a sudden, when I was completely convinced he was at work, he walked through the door. I had one of those moments when you feel like you’re seeing things and can’t actually believe what is going on. He gracefully walked round to where I was standing and got on one knee...again! I started to think he either had amnesia or I had dreamed that he had proposed the night before. But he stopped my thought process as he pulled out the ring he didn’t think would be ready and asked me if I would be his wife again. I was so excited and so amazed that this had happened, and so was Dave. He didn’t expect the ring to be ready and was so excited when the store phoned him at work. He placed it on my finger and it fit perfectly!

I couldn’t have been more excited and amazed and in love. I was about to marry a man who I could see loved me so much...there was no hesitation in my answer!

End of Year 2!

2009-06-26T14:04:00.002Z

Well I've officially completed my second year at Uni studying to be a primary teacher - just one year left! Our lecturer said this morning - "In 15 months some of you will have your own class". That is such a scary thought...but kind of cool at the same time.

Well with this official end I hope it means I will have some time to write on this blog as it has suffered some neglect recently.

My first rant will have to be for the over consumed time and energy - fbook.
I was crawling through peoples profiles - as you do, fbook is a nosey world - when I saw all these different quizzes that you can do. These quizzes, depending on which one you take, can tell you their predictions about what you'll life will be like, how many children you'll have or when you'll get married. In the past I have found these slightly amusing, as it reveals specific dates and times that people will be proposed to or the different sexes of babies they'll have -until I saw a list of other possible quizzes. I was horrified to see quizzes saying "Find out what your NEXT boyfriends name will be?"or "When you'll lose your virginity?" with the tag line "will it be 13 or 40"!!!!!!

What is the world promoting?! What does society expect from this generation? Why would people even consider 13 to be socially acceptable?

Currently I have been listening to podcasts from Mark Driscoll about Gods designed purpose is with sex. How it is not a god or gross but is a gift and something that should be strictly held within marriage. Why? Because it is only within marriage that something so emotionally, spiritually and physically bonding can be protected, guarded.

I hope you have placed your belief and understanding of the purpose of sex in a secure and holy place.

Shame for not posting

2009-06-19T14:24:00.004Z

I feel sad that this blog hasn't been so active for quite a while. I could list many reasons for this: - Uni
- Placements
- Church
- Boyfriend/friends/family
- Facebook

Yeh, I think there are too many distractions...especially the last one. I suppose this site has been running for a while and the excitement has died down. Maybe there is a realisation that my life is too busy? The only reason why today is free is because there is an inset day at school.

Well, to summarise my life recently - I'm still training to be a primary teacher, I'm in my second year which is ending next week!! Woo! I'm in a relationship/ courtship with an amazing Godly man and we are approaching 15 months together. I'm committed to a local church and God is changing and challenging me every day to grow to be a Godly woman.

I'm still not perfect, I'm still a sinner - but God is my saviour, my salvation, my strength!

Lent is here again

2009-02-25T22:14:00.002Z

Last year I gave up guys for lent. The purpose was to find out my identity without male affirmation, I just wanted to focus on God. It was such an eye opening experience to realise my feminity and beauty in God. To understand and know how to serve my brothers in Christ and how to serve God effectively in my role as a woman.

This year I want to read the well read book, 'Purpose Driven Life' by Rick Warren. I will be reading it along side one of my friends which will be good to get other support and opinions.

Lets watch this space to see what I learn...

God's writing that love story...

2009-02-13T15:21:00.002Z

Tomorrow is Valentines day. It's my first Valentines day with a boyfriend but that isn't what is making me smile at the moment. I just read through all my Valentines posts over the passed 4/5 years and I can see how I've grown...spiritually and emotionally.

I began with not liking Valentines, to being happy for others, to understanding where to place my singleness in the eyes of God, to rejoicing God's love for me and being secure in Him. I began talking about having that Valentines day with that special person, my future husband, when he comes along - when God writes him into the story. This is that year :) God has brought an amazing man into my life for me to serve and love. And my security isn't in this man whom I love but in the God that wrote him in.

I gave God the pen to my love story and He is writing each chapter as we walk. And yes, there are times when we muck up, when we snatch the pen back because we fail to trust God enough to write the story "correctly". We try to flick to the end of the book to see what happens. But why do we want to ruin it? Why do we believe our version of the story will be better? Why do we want to rush to end when it is actually the journey which is the destination?

Don't lose faith that God is writing your love story, if you want read all my Valentines posts to see how God changed me. Give Him the pen and trust in His guidance :)

Lack of blogging

2009-02-11T15:18:00.002Z

I have to admit that I haven't been very good with this blogging malarkey recently. I have to agree with my brother that the world of fbook has killed blogging. Sadly I have been trapped into the obsessive need to be on fbook numerous hours a day. Unfortunately, if you're not on fbook then you don't get invited to things and you miss out on important details about your friends. People just get lazy to talk to each other about things.

One thing that really bugs me is when people change their relationship status to something that isn't true e.g. to married or engaged when they're not. It actually bugs me because then I have to work out what the truth is and if I should be sending them congratulation messages.

I wonder, if I didn't write anything on my fbook about me or put pictures up showing my life at the moment, would people contact me more to see how I am? Do people actually care? Or are they being nosey?

Celebrations

2008-12-16T19:08:00.003Z

Recently I turned 20. I've officially moved passed the teenage stage of my life.
The day was my first birthday with my boyfriend Dave and he planned such an amazing day together. Unfortunately, I wasn't at all well on the day, due to the inevitable flu that goes round this time of year. So the day was spent curled up on the sofa, drifting in and out of consciousness. However, my day was moved to when I was better, and this evening Dave is cooking me a 3 course meal...he dressed up in a suit and everything!!

This is also our first Christmas together. We're not going to be together on the actually day so we're going to have our own Christmas day this Saturday. We set a price limit on our Christmas presents because otherwise I would just keep buying stuff. We already have a tree up in his flat which has been poorly decorated and I have most of his presents. Annoyingly, I ordered a present online and it apparently delivered but I couldn't see it. So, I phoned the company and asked where it was and they claimed that they left in on the porch...dilemma, I don't have a porch. I told them that they must have left it on the pavement which was a ridiculous thing to do because I don't live in a pleasant area. So, that present was stolen so they have reordered it for me. So much hassle, but it's worth it for my boy :)

There are so many exciting things I am doing this season. I'm going to see the Sound of Music in London on friday with my housemates. We're all meeting in London and it's for my housemates 21st birthday :) It's going to be so exciting!! Then Saturday is Dave and mine's christmas day and then on the Sunday he is taking me home and staying for a bit. Then on boxing day I'm going to go see his parents and then until New Year Dave will stay at my parents :)

My first Christmas with a boyfriend...I'm so excited :)

God bless, Esther :)

Just trying to breathe

2008-10-24T15:43:00.003Z

Before I came to Uni I was a really busy girl, I had my weeks planned to the hour of where I should be and what I should be doing. Even though it got tiring I loved it! My life was active and I wasn't idle. My first year of uni stopped my active pace though. There was a lot of hanging around and wondering how to drift away the hours and avoid work. However, this year my life has picked up a lot. But somehow it's picked up speed by like 100 mph. There is so much I have to pack into a day and make sure I get done in a week that I don't think I've had Esther time by myself with no stresses or worries over my head since I got here. I'm getting so stressed and tired out that my body is starting to tell me off by being a pain - literally!

My first year of uni I hardly ever cried! I was beginning to wonder if I was some hard shell or something, but honestly I was just really happy most of the time. This year however I seem to cry like every other day. I feel like everyone is on my back telling me off or moaning or adding to my to do list. I'm quite a sensitive girl as well and all I want to do is show love to people and try and serve them. I'm worried that one day I will turn round to someone and flip out...I won't but there is potential.

I upset myself earlier though because after half a day of back pain I suddenly remembered to ask God to take it away. Why do I forget to ask him for help? I pray to God everyday but why isn't He my first thought when I really need him? Is it because I'm trying to fix everything myself in my life that I rarely think of asking others to help me? Which is why I forget to ask God?

Maybe that is why I'm stressed, I'm trying to take on all these responsibilities in my own strength but I have a hope in a God that will carry my burdens. Maybe this physical back pain I have today is God trying to show me that spiritually I am breaking my back. I'm trying to take on every load myself and I don't try to cut things out of my life to make it lighter.

I'm very blessed though to have such a Godly boyfriend. He is so full of Gods grace and love that I can experience God's love for me through him. You know when you're really tired and stressed and it's only the people who are nearest to you, and that you love, that you actually take it all out on. Not on purpose but because they allow you to feel so comfortable around them, all your emotions come out. Well that happened last night and every hurt and upset everyone else had loaded on me that day just all came out on Dave. He had done nothing wrong and I picked up on the tinest flaw and let it all out on him. His first reaction was confusion and shock but as soon as he realised why I was acting so irrationally he ignored all my abuse and just tried to hold me to keep me calm. He just held my hand and took all the abuse until I calmed down and afterwards he said, "I love you and will always be here to help you. Let me be on your side and allow me to help you." It is only now that I can see God speaking through those words, "...let me be on your side", that is what God is trying to say to me. He wants me to remember Him and to ask for His help and strength everyday.

I'm sorry Lord for not being the perfect daughter. Help me to remember you each day and to ask for your strength with everything I do. Thank you for this back pain and showing me the truth behind it and thank you for Dave and his love for me. Thank you for being the example we can follow to love and serve others. Help me do all this today, In Your Name. Amen.

Watching the rain fall

2008-10-07T14:46:00.002Z

As I sit in the reasonably cosy house, I take in the senses of what is around me...

The hum of the boiler, the ticking of the clock,
the tapping on the laptop and the rain as it drops.

The dimmly lit room with the overscast of clouds,
makes the lonely sad house, duller than it sounds.

The newly peeled potatoes and the slowly dying flowers
roams and lingers round the house with a stenchful power.

All of a sudden I hear a scrapping at the door,
with keys in her hand my housemate falls to the floor.

Wet through and through she marches upstairs,
The rain that fell down got stuck in her hair.

The house remains still, sad and quiet,
the sound now left is the clock having a riot.

Freshers Flu...

2008-09-18T18:24:00.002Z

Even though I am a second year now, the freshers flu has seemed to catch me and my housemates. Ironically I didn't even get freshers flu when I was a fresher but I guess that's life.
I've finally moved back to Uni where I am now in a Student house. I think it is really cute, the kitchen and the living are kinda combined with a breakfast bar making the divide. There are four girls, including myself in the house and we are all studying Primary Education. I've had such a busy first week back at Uni, even though I haven't actually started my course yet. I've been involved with the Christian Union's events for freshers week. I'm on the Committee for this year as the Secretary/ treasurer and I've been given lots of important stuff to do. All summer I sat at my laptop trying to book speakers and trying to contact the CU President who was in Zimbabwe. I'm really enjoying the role though and I love serving. A lot of freshers have shown interest to the Christian Union and I'm really excited about what God has in plan for this year.

My prayer is that the Christian Union will be effective at the Uni this year! It would be awesome if you could pray too. :)

Are we welcoming the worries of Autumn?

2008-09-04T14:12:00.002Z

The smell of freshly cut paper and newly ironed uniforms wade through the air...autumn is here. As this time approaches I can begin to see the cloud of stress, assignments, workload and tears drawing nearer. On the other hand, I can also see the sun, full of hope, laughter, peace and love. Even though the sun is brighter and stronger, the cloud can still cover it, it warps it's full beauty and potential. Most the time we believe we can't do anything about this - we just allow our troubles to win, why? No one likes them.

I talk of the sun but it's a parallel to the Son, Jesus Christ. He is able to take away the darkness, the clouds, the troubles and worries. How? Because He came to earth to die on a cross for our sins, He is the ultimate expression of love. And His love is for us, He loves us so much. He was and is perfect but He still died for sin, not His (He didn't have any) but our own! Why? Because He loves us, He wants us to accept this gift He has given us and spend eternity in Heaven with Him.
I've accepted this gift and through it those clouds that I could see are gone. He tells us to cast our fears and worries on Him because He loves us.

All I can see now is the Son!

David!

2008-08-23T18:58:00.001Z

Now this isn't the David from the Bible, but he does have an amazing Godly character, like the one from the Bible. He is actually the guy I'm courting. Yes, I know "courting" is probably seen as an old fashioned term but for us it means dating with a view to marry. We've only been going out for 5 months but God has blessed us in so many ways during and before the time we started courting. We've grown closer to God and through every trial and challenge we face we are continually building a stronger foundation for our relationship.

So why am I writing this blog about him? Well I wanted to show the world how proud I am of him. He has such a heart for God and he does so well at leading our relationship. He is so supportive and encouraging towards all my dreams and ideas about the future. Even though he isn't that musical he will still listen and support my love for music. He amazes me that he can make me smile when I'm really down and that he has so much patience for me. He knows how to challenge me, in a good way that can build me up. He knows me so well that it amazes me when I talk to him on the phone and he can tell within 3 words if there is something wrong with me or not, even if I'm pretending to be fine.

He will even go out of his way to show me how much he cares for me. The other week he drove me all the way to Exeter - which was like some 4hour drive because of traffic - just because I wasn't feeling 100% well to travel on the train, we were even standing at the train station and the train was pulling in and he just turned round and said, "right I'm driving you there". I don't know what I've done to deserve such a wonderful man in my life.

He complements me so well and I'm so blessed to have him in my life. I just want to thank God for this amazing guy who I'm falling in love with!

Unforgetful summer

2008-08-20T10:20:00.003Z

I've recently returned from a 2 week beach mission in Polzeath with Scripture Union. The experience was awesome and really improved my relationship with God. We were tested as a team in so many ways, one example being the weather. You would expect that in the midst of summer we would have lovely sunny days most days but no, we experienced what seemed like monsoon season. I think over the two weeks we had 4 days of sun. However, we found the rain a blessing because it meant we could shine brighter in the darkness. By this I mean that it's so easy to smile and serve people in lovely sunny weather where we are happy to stand outside for ages doing jobs or talking. However, when the rain is beating down on you it takes more effort and energy to smile and radiate Gods love. This shows people more obviously how dedicated we were in what we were doing and saying.

I met some amazing people during the two weeks and I really hope I return in coming years where I can continue to see the children we came across grow in Christ. Also, to see the team members grow in their relationship with God as well.

God is such an awesome God! Tomorrow I'm going to a christian camp called momentum for a week...woo!

A letter from God...

2008-07-04T15:46:00.001Z

My Child,

Not only can I hear you, but I know everything about you (psalm 139:1). I know when you sit down and when you rise up (psalm 139:2). I am familiar with all you ways (psalm 139:3) even the very hairs on your head are numbered (Mathew 10:29-31) For you were made in My image (genesis 1:27) In Me you live and move and have your being (acts 17:27-28).
For you are my offspring (acts 17:28) I knew you even before you were conceived (Jeremiah 1:4-5) I chose you, when I planned creation (Ephesians 1:11-12).

You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in My book (psalm 139:15-16) I determined the exact time of your birth, and where you would live (acts 17:26) You are fearfully and wonderfully made (psalm 139:14) I knit you together in your mother’s womb (psalm 139:13) And brought you forth on the day you were born (psalm 71:6) I have been misrepresented by those who don’t know Me (john 8:41, 42, 44) I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love (1 john 4:16) And it is My desire to lavish my love on you. Simply because you are My child and I am your Father (1 john 3:1) I offer you more than your earthly father ever could (Mathew 7:11) For I am the perfect Father (Mathew 5:48)

Every good gift that you receive comes from My hand (James 1:17) For I am your provider, and I meet all your needs (Mathew 6:31-33) My plan for your future has always been filled with hope (Jeremiah 29:11) Because I love you with an everlasting love (Jeremiah 31:3) My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore (psalm 139:17-18) And I rejoice over you with singing (Ephesians 3:17) I will never stop doing good to you (Jeremiah 32:40) For you are my treasured possession (exodus 19:5) I desire to establish you with all My heart, and all my soul (Jeremiah 32:41).

And I want to show you great and marvellous things (Jeremiah 33:3) If you seek Me with all your heart, you will find me (Deuteronomy 4:29) Delight in Me, and I will give you the desires of your heart (Psalm 37:4) For it is I, who gave you those desires (Philippians 2:13) I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine (Ephesians 3:20-21) For I am your greatest encourager (2 Thessalonians 2:16-17) And nothing will ever separate you from My love again (Romans 8:38-39) I have always been your Father, and will always be your Father (Ephesians 3:14-15).

Love,

Your Heavenly Father.

Summers begun...

2008-06-30T11:26:00.003Z

Last week I went to Devon with some friends. We stayed in a static caravan which was a 5 minute walk from the beach. We went; body boarding, swimming, walks, and played; cricket, football and cards. I had an amazing time hanging out with my friends and having BBQs on the beach and watching some beautiful sunsets. We visited both Illfracombe and Woolacombe where we walked through the town and played on the beach.

I had so much fun taking a million photos including this one here.

Now I'm home, away from my Uni friends and missing them all lots. It's amazing how much life can change in a year and the friendships that can form. It has got me thinking about how much life is going to change in the next few years as I finish Uni and get a job and begin another chapter of my life. I can't even begin to foresee what my life will be like after Uni or even the possible changes that may occur in the next year. I don't think I could have ever predicted the amazing things that have happened in my life this year.
There is still so much that this summer is going to give me before I go back to Uni. I hope that I can make the most of it :) One thing I know for sure is that God will never change and that He is always there for me and always will be :)

Beauty...

2008-06-19T12:55:00.002Z

Beauty can be seen in...

the colour of the sky,

the rising of the sun,

the laugh of a child,

the design of our Lords creation,

the thought from a friend,

the love of a neighbour,

...forgiveness.

Stepping Stones

2008-05-27T15:44:00.001Z

For years I have wrote on this blog about relationships and waiting and searching for that future spouse. Yes, I understood it wasn't an easy road to follow but I guess that there was still some naivety in my thoughts. I guess I didn't address or even think about entering a relationship with someone. I guess in my thought process I just thought God would place that person in your life; you would court them and have a perfect chapter of the love story each day with smiles on every page. I’m realizing now that it is never going to be like that. There is an obvious reason for that, it’s because that perfect love we are searching for isn’t found in another human it is found in God alone. That smile of every page is when we get to heaven because we live in a world full of sin and we are not perfect.

Where is this thought process going? Well I guess it is a realization that maybe I should have had many years ago that there is a stepping stone between friendship and marriage. It is a relationship and I guess there is more than one stepping stone because in a relationship there are hurdles that the couple encounters. For the couple to reach the next stepping stone they have to work together to tackle it. The consequences of not tackling the hurdle together would either mean the couple doesn’t move from the stone they are on, meaning they aren’t moving deeper into their relationship. Or, they fall off the stone because they lose balance causing an end to the relationship and friendship, or hopefully they make the joint decision to walk back to the foundation they had in place at the beginning, known as the friendship, which means they can both be happy in the decision they made. This decision may open the opportunity for the couple to get back together in the future if God agrees.

It is unfair for a guy/girl to enter a relationship with someone and believe everything is going to be perfect. That thought process will only lead to disappointment and upset. I used to think being in a relationship would be easier than being single. I was mistaken, I had the wrong perspective. It’s not the idea that life gets easier when in a relationship, instead it’s that life becomes different because there is someone else you have to think about. It’s not easier or harder, it’s just different. There are different thought processes than when you are single and different concerns and worries. Also though there are different joys and happiness as you get to learn about that special someone and share your life with them. But there are also different joys and happiness when someone is single like having time to learn about you and investing into more friendships. I guess I just want to encourage single people out there not to crave and desire over being in a relationship. I know I used to do it but it wasn’t until I properly lived my single life with joy and contentment that I felt satisfied and at peace.

So, allow God to use the season of life you are in to shape you into the perfection of Jesus Christ...and remember if you are on those stepping stones with a partner or by yourself remember that God is there guiding the way. With every spiritual hurdle, allow your relationship with God to deepen where that final stone is heaven, the marriage of Christ and the Church.

School placement over!

2008-05-23T15:14:00.003Z

Three tiring weeks later and placement is finished. Sadly there are still three assignments to write before I can actually retire from my first year at Uni. I'm so tired at the moment though from waking up at 6am for passed three weeks. I feel I need to catch up on it but tomorrow I need to get my phone fixed. Yeh my Nokia is being a pain, it keeps turning itself off and keeps losing it's memory and then getting it back again. There are too many stressors at the moment, can't be having the phone being part of the list.

On an up note, this summer I'll be going away for a few days to Cornwall with my friends at Uni in the CU. Hopefully learn how to surf and soak up at tan! Two weeks ago we had lovely weather where I began to catch the sun and started looking healthier again but it soon hid away, and with it, so did my tan.

Anyway, I must catch up on sleep before the evening starts. Tomorrow I'm going bowling with my friends and at some point start writing my essays.

Bon Nuit!

Lucky - By Jason Mraz ft. Colbie Caillat

2008-05-10T12:13:00.003Z

Do you hear me? I'm talking to you,
Across the water across the deep blue ocean
Under the open sky oh my, baby I'm trying
Yeah I hear you in my dreams I hear your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets hard

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Oooohhhhoohhhhohhooohhooohhooohoooh

They don't know how long it takes
Waiting for a love like this
Every time we say goodbye
I wish we had one more kiss
I wait for you I promise you, I will

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
I'm lucky we're in love every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

And so I'm sailing through the sea
To an island where we'll meet
You'll hear the music, fill the air
I put a flower in your hair
And though the breeze is through the trees
Move so pretty you're all I see
Let the world keep spinning round
You hold me right here right now

Silent Lightning

2008-05-10T09:24:00.002Z

Last night I gazed out my window to see if I could see the stars. As I scanned the clear night sky I noticed sudden flashes of light in the distance. It lit up the sky so well and it seemed to changed the sky from night to day with just a flash of light. This continued for a while and there was no noise before or after to make me think it was thunder and lightning. So we researched online to see if there was any such thing called silent lightning. Apparently there is and it is called 'heat lightning' which is an eerily silent flash that often lights clouds in thunderstorms. It normally occurs on hot sumer nights which would make sense after the week of hot weather we've had.

Incase you're a fan of the wiki, heres a link.

Isaiah 40:28-31

2008-04-27T16:16:00.002Z

Do you not know? Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.

He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;

but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

Morning Reflection

2008-04-09T09:34:00.003Z

It isn't usual that I spend quality time with God in the mornings...normally because I don't see the mornings but today I went to a prayer breakfast at the Christian Union, mainly because I'm leading one next week and kind of needed to get an idea of how they worked. However, that small sacrifice of pulling myself out of bed has allowed me to feel one step closer to God today and that is worth it all. I've enjoyed the beautiful weather that is outside, I've enjoyed the amazing company of my friends at CU and I've been able to enjoy the awesomeness of God.

I came home and decided to read my bible and work through my thoughts about life and situations. I noticed as I was reading some amazing verses that I'd come across before but I wanted to share them with you here. They are kind of about suffering but the hope that we can receive through suffering if we choose to accept it.

Romans 5: 3-5 "Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love had been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us."

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 "But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

Hard Rock Calling...

2008-04-05T13:40:00.002Z

With my new passion for Jason Mraz I was researching if he was doing any gigs in the UK and I found this http://www.hardrockcalling.co.uk/lineup/ !!!!

Eric Clapton, Sheryl Crow, John Mayer and Jason Mraz! How exciting! I actually really want to go but with the cost of tickets and me being a poor student and all, it doesn't seem like a possibility :(

I can always dream I guess...I suppose that's what most students do, daydream hehe especially in lectures :p

A New Realisation

2008-04-04T16:13:00.002Z

Recently I've come to learn that I am kind of affected when there is a lack of caffeine in my diet. In other words, I'm addicted to caffeine and when I don't have any I get a bad headache. Most people believe this to be a psychological thing but I thought I was drinking normal tea and then I started getting a headache and I didn't understand because I never got headaches. Then later on I learnt that it was decaffeinated tea.

The horror!

A Woman's Heart...

2008-03-22T01:44:00.003Z

The passed 46days throughout Lent I've been trying to rediscover my identity in Christ as a woman. I've been learning and practicing serving others and trying to build a spirit of beauty. It's not something that comes overnight and it doesn't come with ease. As I always say, "Sacrifice is the thing that sets us apart."
During the passed few weeks I've tried to placed all this in a song so I could remind myself about it when I need reminding. Here it is...

Sorry guys, kinda a girly thing...but guess what, I am one lol.

A Late Birthday...

2008-03-20T17:48:00.002Z

This blog was 5years old 2 days ago. Due to stressful assignments I've had to do I kinda forgot. Oops. Well Happy 5th birthday blog, thankyou for all of those years of ramblings and for many more to come.

To appologise I will share one of my favourite songs at the moment with you...

I'm Yours - Jason Mraz

On another note, it's 3 days till Easter.
Tomorrow is Good Friday for those that don't know, the day that Christians believe Jesus died on the cross for our sins. Thankyou Lord.

12 days to go...

2008-03-11T16:27:00.002Z

...till easter. I wanted to post a video that a very good friend of mine sent me. This really stirred something in my heart and I hope it stirs something up in yours...

How amazing is God :)

Keeping on track

2008-03-04T14:33:00.004Z

How can we, Christians, tell that we are keeping on track with our christian life? I know this question opens up many areas of life but I guess I'm focusing on our love for Him.
This thought has come to me recently, actually these thought processes normally work themselves out as I type, I guess it's my way of working out my thoughts.

OK, well you know when people are in love and all they can do is think about that person, they talk about them all the time and can't seem to function efficiently because they feel consumed by that other person...well isn't this how we should be with God? Shouldn't we be so consumed by God that everyone knows why we are smiling each day? Shouldn't we be radiating His love in our lives that everyone who meets us gets effected by it?

I guess the thing that limits me from doing this is getting that "christian freak" label. Don't get me wrong, I will and am completely OK with having that label, but I guess I wonder how I can radiate God's love in my life without freaking out my non-christian friends? Where is the balance? I guess maybe apart of me is lacking faith in Gods ability to work in my friends lives...I don't think God would want me to change who I am to fit a comfortable image for my friends. I guess I should allow God to work His miracles and I should live the miracle He has given me.

I told you I work these thought processes out as I type... :)

Cancelled Lectures

2008-02-28T12:43:00.002Z

Even after the school experience, there is still excitement when you hear that a lesson has been cancelled. I'm really happy this week though because I've had like 4 lectures taken out of my week. So my next lecture won't be until next wednesday. This has given me a choice of how to spend my time. I could choose to be good and get lots of work done or I could be a bit lazy and just chill hehe hmm.

I was even told last night that a 2000 word assignment has been pushed back as well. For some reason I feel like all these delays of work will pile up into a stressful time after easter. Maybe I want to keep ahead of my work.

On the other hand, there are 24days til Easter...this will be my first Easter away from home. When I was younger my parents would invent an easter egg hunt for me. They would give me a clue with each egg so I could find the next. I would spend Sunday morning before church running round the house....good times.

What makes me smile...

2008-02-26T10:31:00.002Z

...is when I look outside and all I see is a bright blue sky with random white fluffy clouds floating around.

Last night it had pelted it down with rain.
It reminds me that when there is a storm and when everything seems dark and bad, that by the end of it the sun (Son) rises and shines with awesome brightness and beauty. All the bad is gone and all we see is good. :)

Wanders

2008-02-22T14:24:00.004Z

I find that I quite enjoy going for wanders on my own. Just me and my thoughts. Feels like I'm in my own little world like some bubble. Today I needed to go in town but by the time I got into town I stood there thinking why did I come in again? So I just kept walking, seeing if I would get inspired.
There is no purpose to this blog, I'm just in a thoughtful mood.
I'm going to go play my guitar now and see if I can sing what's in my head. To be honest, I don't really know what I'm thinking about. One thing I know about myself is that I seem to get affected "emotionally" before I work out the problem. Maybe there is no problem...who knows.

Imitating parental behaviour

2008-02-16T21:17:00.002Z

I found myself, as I was sitting with my flatmates sharing a lovely meal together, that I was saying comments I heard as I grew up.

"What pudding do people want" thought process *there won't be enough if we all have crumble*.

"Have you finished with the ice cream?" thought process *I'll put it away so it doesn't melt*.

"Who wants to finish the rest of the custard" thought process *because I want some more* haha.

Do we become our parents?

Valentines

2008-02-14T13:08:00.002Z

It's the day that most single people dread and couples get stressed about lol.
Well as a single girl in this world I wasn't too fussed about it being Valentines because I know that one day I'll have someone special. I don't want it to be like a waiting game for that person though but I know that when I have someone it'll be worth all the times of feeling lonely.

However, today I had a lovely surprise. My parents had sent me a card just saying that they were thinking of me and that they loved me. The thought meant so much to me and I want to say thank you to them on here as well as a phone call later hehe.
I guess that's what people want on Valentines, just to know that someone is thinking of them. Inside the card it said "God thinks of you all the time". What could make you smile more :)

So I'm happy today, despite the moody people that are around and the annoying loved up people and the stupid woman who dug herself in a hole when she asked me and my friend if we had valentine day cards. She then seemed disappointed that we hadn't, where we were completely happy that our friends and family loved us.

So Happy Valentines Day...remember that if you don't feel loved by the people around you, that there is a God in heaven who is thinking just of you and who loved you so much that He sent His only Son, Jesus, to die on a cross for you!

Procrastination

2008-02-11T11:48:00.000Z

Since arriving at Uni, I've come to use this word frequently through my days here. For people that aren't sure what it means, it is merely a type of avoidance behaviour. For example, avoiding tasks or decisions, that may cause anxiety or stress. However, for a person who gets into the habit of procrastination they find that they over exaggerate in their mind about their inability to complete or start a task. The word itself comes from the Latin word procrastinatus: pro- (forward) and crastinus (of tomorrow).

I realised quite consciously that looking up the meaning of procrastination and the history, and psychological meanings behind it, that it was also another procrastination activity for me to do, avoiding the weighty amount of assignments I have.
...I have decided to make another label for my posts: "Procrastination"

Dancing like a child...

2008-02-07T16:18:00.000Z

I'll admit it, I dance around like a kid in my room. I love it. Haha. ok, you might think I'm weird but it stops me from building a wall of inhibitions of a "grown up" heart and spirit. (That prob don't make sense lol) but in other words, I like and want to keep my child like spirit :) Call me weird but thats me...unique :) hehe :)

Shrove Tuesday

2008-02-05T12:01:00.000Z

In other words...pancake day :)
I must admit, I'm a lover for pancakes and today in my Uni world, me and my flat mates are going to spend time together making and eating pancakes. A simple task but a time where relationships can be built...a time of fellowship.

However, this means that tomorrow is Ash Wednesday, the beginning of Lent. This year I've thought and prayer hard about giving up something for Lent. However, I'm not just merely giving something up, I'm spending this period to transform my heart and hopefully it will shape my character. My aim for Lent is to find inner beauty. I'm not going to go in to detail with how I intend to do this but part of it is discovering my femininity. The serving and loving heart of a woman of Christ. But I know I won't be able to do this in my own strength, but in God's alone.

Have you thought about how you could use this season to transform your heart and life?

Got a HOUSE!

2008-02-04T14:48:00.000Z

Oh my word! I'm so excited. We've just been looking around a couple of houses and we were beginning to worry because honestly they were like dives lol. Anyway we came up to this house and we weren't feeling optimistic but I said come on guys lets see what it's like inside and oh my word! It was amazing. We fell in love with it straight away. We can get it for real cheap with bills all included! Then to make it even better, the land lady said she went to the same church as me and my other house mate, we were gob smacked. Come on, if that's not a reasurrance from God then what is.

Yayyyyyyyy! :)

Housing!

2008-02-04T09:39:00.000Z

For the past 10 hours I've been sporadically refreshing the housing list page from my University. It's like a chase, who can be the first to the nicest houses and can place there money down on the table. I'm literally ready to run, trainers by my side and a cheque book in my bag. Ok, I'm probably a little too worried about this but to be fair if we get a nice place, I might be living there for the next couple of years, maybe even after University.
I guess at the end of the day it all comes down to God's amazing plan, which may be different from my own...we'll see :)

The Roles of Men and Women

2008-01-24T16:57:00.000Z

Before I begin I want to mention that this is a recent thought process and I'm still going through ideas and thoughts about this. I'm relating this to both Marriage and the Church because, at the end of the day, God uses these as parallels in our lives.

In our society, men always seem to believe that they are better and greater than women and for years now women have competed for the idea of leadership and headship. Now is this right?
Men and Women were made for different purposes, we have different roles and this is how we were created. The most important thing to mention is that we are equal in value and dignity. God doesn't view men as being higher than women, nor the other way round. We are equally loved and valued to God. So how are our roles different?

In simple, Men were made to lead. However, this doesn't mean in a selfish arrogant way. Men should lead with grace and humility, asking and listening to advice and help from others, especially women. Where does this idea of leadership come? Well, from the Bible.

Adam was made first
Adam represented the human race
Adam named Eve woman, like God named Adam - the one who gives the name has the position of authority
God named the human race "man" not "woman"
Adam was accountable for Eves sin - After the fall God came and asked Adam what had happened.
Eve was made for Adam. She was made as a helper. Now helper isn't an offensive, down grading term because it is often used for God, "God is our helper"
After the fall, God placed conflict between Adam and Eve. "Your desire will be for your husband and he will rule over you ". Some scholars have interpreted this to mean that women will resist the authority Men have over them.
Ephesians - women submit to your husbands and husbands love your wives.
Ephesians - Paul refers to the mystery of Adam and Eve to Christ and the Church. Jesus is the head of the Church and the church is subject to His authority. This is the same for Husband and Wife, The husband is the head of the marriage and the wife is subject to his authority.
Parallel with the trinity - God the father has authority over God the son and it is even mentioned that God the son sits at the right hand of God the father. However, they are both equal in their attributes but there is a difference in role.

It is important to mention that having the position of authority doesn't mean there is more skill involved, that the person has a better talent in it. Just like God the father and God the son, they have the same attributes, they are both all loving and all knowing.

I've noticed that in our culture, women are trying to take the lead and men are taking advantage of their position of authority. Women need to realise that submitting to their husbands and loving them and serving them is actually how we were created and if you allow it you will feel the peace in your spirit. And Men need to realise that women are blessed with wisdom and that they are there to encourage and support. When in a marriage the husband has the responsibility to make the decision in something, however this should be done after discussion with their wife and should be made with respect and love for her. You shouldn't take advantage of your position and this is linked to the verse in Ephesians where it says "Husbands love your wives".

So, what was the purpose of this post? Maybe to make us all think about our roles and how we can start living the way we were created. We were made different for a reason and we should embrace that.

My Mystery...

2008-01-16T22:32:00.000Z

As my head reaches my hands

Tears begin to gather and blur my vision

Who are you in my life?

Why have I allowed you back in?

Once upon a time all we had was love

But now there is so much unspoken

Mystery in both our lives

And so much pain caused.

Tears roll down my cheek

Like they did back then

How many times am I going to allow you to hurt me again

But goodbye seems so much harder

Why?

We both need the answer but what’s the question?

Where do we go from here?

Do we repeat the same mistakes?

What is it about you?

I think you’re a mystery I just need revealing.

My mystery.

Loving when it's not asked

2008-01-13T02:46:00.000Z

Random acts of kindness...how many of these do you do a day?
And if you do them, do you do them when people can see or so they find out that you've done it.
Sometimes kindness should be done in secret because it makes the act a bit less selfish because you know that you'll get attention from it and people will think you're good for doing it but that gives the intention the wrong motive.

Think about it. And if you don't do random kindness stuff, get off your arse and think of others because wouldn't you love it if someone did it for you?

Now what's the title?

2008-01-06T20:58:00.000Z

Do you start with the post or with the title?
The lyrics before the tune?
The mind before the heart?
The thought before the action?
The cry before the laugh?
The milk before the tea?
The stress before the work?
The book before the film?
The last before the first?
The eyeshadow before the mascara?
The shower gel before the shampoo?
The end before the beginning?

Crowds

2007-12-21T23:00:00.000Z

Bizarrely enough, I've actually missed the crowds. The hustle and bustle, the anger of other shoppers, losing friends in the flow of the crowd, the art of weaving in and out people and wondering if the woman in front can possibly walk any slower. A new one, which happened today, was when a kid decided to sit on my friends feet as we were struggling to get into a shop...haha. The weird thing is that there can be so many people and you could be shopping for hours and not bump into anyone you know or you'll bump into someone you haven't seen in years...the magic of shopping. Especially christmas shopping, nothing like stressful shoppers getting those last little stocking fillers.

...ok, then there was this Alvin the Chipmunks promotion thing going on where there was a stage and random people dancing on it...what was the point?? If anything it put me off actually seeing the film, just reassured my first opinion about how pathetic it is remaking something I grew up as a child with...a classic. Ye, I had the chipmunks single that they released...love shack? Yeh, high pitch voices, your point?

Ramblings...

Home for Christmas

2007-12-17T17:14:00.000Z

My first semester at uni is over. 12 weeks of meeting new people, experiencing lectures and assignments, going on a school placement and having a hire car, waking up at 5:30 in the morning for placement and generally having a good time.

It all feels quite surreal to be home, but i can't work out if being at home is the surreal part or the fact that I've been at uni. Last night I had presentation evening at my old school, it was really strange looking at everyone, it felt like a completely different world. It hasn't been that long but it's amazing how much people change. To be fair, I think I was noticed as changing the most by the change in my accent. Which on my half was a concious thing I've wanted to do for a while. Why? Well frankly because the accent I'm surrounded by at home isn't the best sounding and because I needed to improve it for professional reasons. If I'm meant to be teaching children, they need to be able to understand me lol.

Either way, I'm now 19 (yes it was my birthday the other week) and I'm home for the rest of 2007. It makes me realise that Uni is going to go by so quickly...am I preparing myself for the life beyond it?

The Wife of Noble Character

2007-11-15T23:00:00.000Z

Proverbs 31:10-31

While waiting for my washing to be done I randomly opened up my Bible and came across this verse,

"A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.
She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life."

All the days of her life...this stood out to me. This means before she even meets him, before they know the existence of each other. These 6 words are full of hope, hope that there is someone out there, hope that brings some more meaning to our lives. However, this is quite scary, it means that we should be living our lives for something more...not to fall in to the trap of meaningless romances. That one day we will be accountable to this person who we should be waiting for and then watch their reaction as we tell them of our short comings. Just the thought of that hurts me. I feel I need to be honourable to this man even now, to wait faithfully with my whole heart until he enters my life. Do I want to offer this man a broken and torn heart?

If I'm thinking this for my future husband, then imagine the pain God will have when I meet him face to face! When we look through the book of my life! Just like I need to be faithful and loving to my future husband, I also should be (obviously) to God. I'm even more thankful for the cross...that blood was poured for my sins. That I can be continually forgiven, but just like you wouldn't want to hurt the love of your life with your mistakes, we shouldn't want to continuously do wrong to God.

I have so much to learn...God shape me!

She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.
She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

Getting stuck in...

2007-11-05T23:44:00.000Z

...at last!
I've finally reached the stage of getting stuck into my Uni work, this is likely to be due to a sudden strike of fear. Today we had a lecture about our School Placements that we will be starting in 2 weeks and I realised how much I've got to do and it kind of linked everything together that they had been teaching us.

I've also had quite a good day today, did my first assignment in RE which was like 40% of the module this year and without the proper marks our tutor said we had all passed which is so good. We had to do presentations in groups of four and we were given a topic heading and we had to aim it at a primary age group...our group chose, "What is God like and how does believing in God influence peoples lives?". We decided to look at the Hindu and Christian God and we did a kinda comparison between the two but it was a bit hard to explain to the difference between Henotheism and Monotheism to 11year olds...so the comparison was quite subtle. Either way, it went quite well and I've learnt not to be over prepared for these things because I end up being too dependent on the actual words I've wrote rather than just knowing the content. I suppose if I spoke about a religion I was unsure of then I would be a it more nervous, but speaking in front of peers isn't really scary...you can't be afraid if you decide to be speaking in front of people for a career hehe.

Too much blabbing...

Another reason why I'm happy today...found out school placements...I got the Hire Car!!! Woo!!! But it all comes at a price, I only have the hire car because they situated me in a village school an hour away! Lol. 6am starts every morning for 3weeks! It even goes over my birthday!! Can't complain, I'm a young professional as my Mother keeps telling me, not an actually student but a young professional. Sounds scary really. The school is a Church of England school which is pretty cool actually, would like to see what they are like. I'm really quite excited about starting all this work, there is a lot of work to do but I'm enjoying it which I think it kind of important being that I've decided to have this career for life....well you never know God may intervene at any second. Cool with me though :)

Title-less

2007-11-01T16:07:00.001Z

I find myself coming to write something with nothing in my head to write. Well to begin with I've got a bit of a cough, she says while having a coughing fit. I think it's got to a point where everyone at Uni is experiencing the tiredness issue...yep, all the lack of sleep begins to catch up on you. This is where you learn that students nap...you regress back to stages that you were at as children....napping! You wake up, go to lecture, eat, nap, tidy, nap, eat, nap, socialise and sleep. Before uni I couldn't get round the idea that my friends napped when coming back from school, seemed too bizarre of a concept to grasp, however, now I understand. I more than understand it though, I actually do it.

So I've had a little doze today, I actually need to do some washing and buy some food before going to choir tonight, but the idea of walking tescos seems like effort.

Ooo to update you on current events, I'm actually singing in Gloucester Cathedral tomorrow with the University choir for some uni ceremonies. I hope I don't cough throughout, wow that could annoy people....ooo that's why it's important to go shopping now, need food to take with me tomorrow...ah!

Either way, I'm feeling Christmas beginning to approach...need to start thinking of it now though because we're having a Christmas day at uni and need to work out when to start the Uni advent calender. And we need to buy presents which involves a lot of thinking.

Anyway...must dash, my brain is slowly listing up jobs I need to do. Write soon.

Cooking at Uni!

2007-10-11T15:31:00.000Z

Below is a mini clip of me and Grant in the kitchen in our flat...serving up an amazing "Monday roast" which we cooked between us. You may find it amazing to know that I actually consumed most of the food on my plate. Very impressive.

I am beginning to find it a bit tiring to cook now. At first it was fun but now it is really hard trying not to cook the same food all the time and making sure you get the right balance of foods. Unfortunately my cooking skills are quite limited so it's hurting my head trying to read through the student cook book I was given by Cathy (thank you Cathy...I've really needed it!). You come to realise how thankful you are for your parents who, for your whole life, have remembered to have meals available every night! I was actually quite a fussy eater before I came to Uni but you kind of get over it as you realise that food is food and it goes in the mouth and you live a bit longer that day. If free food is around then there is no need to be so polite and if people don't finish their meals then food going in the bin is not an option...I haven't personally gone to that extreme of eating off others yet but who knows. So if anyone has any recipes that are less than an hour to make and have quite basic ingredients please send them my way, it would be much appreciated as I do have time to be playing around with different meals at the moment. I was really contemplating on making a casserole but they don't absolutely ages! Anyone know a quicker way that's less than 2 hours??
Pudding recipes are also welcome, our first week me and two of my flat mates were up at 3am making cookies! It was a lovely bonding session and yes we were hungry as most students are in that time of the morning...by the way 2am is actually an early night in student terms. Sorry parents but thankfully at the moment I only have one lecture that is in the morning and amazingly it's RE so I don't mind getting up for it. I'm sure after the excitement of being freshers has calmed down and we start having major work loads, we will all settle into a more reasonable sleep hour...as for now, too much fun is needed :)

Well I must dash, there is washing in the machine and I need to get the clothes out the dryer before they shrink! God bless, Es :)

Settling in more...

2007-10-02T23:53:00.000Z

I'm beginning to adjust to Uni life now. Our course has begun to start properly now but we still haven't been given our proper timetable so still unsure of what's happening. But tomorrow I've got English and science...2 hours each, which will be interesting. I had today off which was nice, I got woken up by the warden opening my room and I was still in bed so I like screamed"no wait I'm in bed" so he gave me 10mins so that the electricians could come in and fix our lights...ye story...
Ok well Sunday night there was a little flood in the flat above us so mine and my mates rooms had water dripping into...ok more like rushing water. It was going into the lights and through my fire alarm which set all the fire alarms off and down the wall and door frames. So now my mates room smells damp and we couldn't use electrics for like 2 days.

What else has happened? Erm, had lectures and seminars. Been shopping for food...ye I'm starting to get some more confidence in the kitchen which is good. Hardly had any microwave meals. Had a really nice meal today...chicken, sweet and sour sauce, noodles and a bag of loads of different veges like peas (? me peas?), sweetcorn, beans, carrots etc. So that was nice. I also got my Uni hoodie today which is kinda big even though its a small...I'm sure it'll be nice in the winter. I also enrolled at the doctors and in the evening I went to the Christian Union which was good and met some more people, which I like lol.

So ye, rest of this week...tomorrow I'm going over to a girls house from my church with loads of other girls and we're going to watch a dvd and have a girly night. Thursday I'm not able to go to choir because I've got freshers flu(ish) so I'm going to this event at a Pub that the church have hired out and my mate is DJing and it's just a social thing that everyone and anyone can go to. Friday...erm dunno yet, sat dunno and Sunday I'm going to church which is called trinity. So ye, thats the excitement of my week...obviously I've got work and stuff to do so I'm sure it'll get done. So ye, going to go to bed now because I'm tired of straining my voice to talk and I got woken so early this morning...ye 12 is early lol.

Night people :)

First week of Uni

2007-09-25T04:25:00.000Z

I've survived a week of Uni...just another 3 years minus a week left? Lol.
Some people are wondering how I'm coping and what I've been doing so I'll write a little brief thing on here.

Monday (17th): was the first official day. It started going into a Marquee, filling out health and safety forms and collecting free stuff. We then had a welcome meeting in the lecture room...no idea what they were saying. After lunch we went to another part of the campus down the road to tell them our subject strengths (mines religious Ed) and we did some singing and dancing...kinda like barn dancing. Was really funny...it was a way to meet new people and say who you were etc. Evening I spent socialising with new flat mates.

Tuesday: We had our first lecture...just an introduction to the active learning centre and then had a follow up task about childrens learning experiences with our environment blaa. We then signed up to loads of teaching unions and collected a box full of folders and books and papers which I still need to sort out. Also we met our personal tutors who set us an essay to do. In the evening I watched Forest Gump at a lil film event.

Wednesday: I had a 2hour maths test on the computer...eugh. My head hurt after. It was only to see what standard you were at and if you needed extra lessons...I think I must have done alright because I wasn't told to go to the extra lessons that have been happening this week. We then had to start doing our presentations which we had to be presented on friday. But luckily this was a group presentation but we had a hard debate topic: we don't need teachers anymore because we have the internet.

Thursday: My tutor group and a few others went to the wilderness centre in the forestof dean. It was some team building field trip which involved making dens out of the raw materials in the forest...was so much fun. And then we had to make like a huge one to fit like 4 people in and it had to be water proof because they later tipped water at it with us inside...yes i got very wet!

Friday: We did the presentation and to our relief not to the whole year. We then had a suprise which was half an hour of salsa which was sooo fun and then half an hour of belly dancing. I decided to leave when I heard belly dancing...I was too hungry and had pains in my tummy from laughing continuously 24-7 since I've been here. So I headed back to campus where there was a marquee with a feast inside of chinese food and indian and italien and british food haha. Was soooo yummy and was free. Loved it! Then in the evening they had a Cheesy Music night at another campus so me and my flat mates went there and such a fun night and we met some more people...as you do!

Saturday: Yep...involved sleep. Well going to sleep at 3am each night then waking at 7 was kinda getting to all of us. So got up at like 12 and then ended up going shopping and got my TV working. There was then another night of dancing at another campus. Always fun.

Sunday: More sleep. Lol. But when I finally got up I got ready and helped my mate out with things stuff. Cooked him some lunch/dinner...then we went to Church at 5. It's called Trinity and I really enjoyed it there. It was my first time and there was a group of 6 of us that walked up together. After we hung out in this bar they hired out to chat to some of the students at the church and to the student leaders. Was all good. We all enjoyed it and are planning to make it our Uni Church.

Monday: Today! Yes I am up at 4am (tuesday morning) typing this...was going to go to bed but thought I'd get this done. Today was the beginning of our course. We have professional studies all week. An hour lecture and then an hour seminar which is good to cope with and at a reasonable time...3!! Hehehe.

Anyway,I'm so going to bed now before I start making myself ill lol. Don't worry I'm looking after myself fine. You just don't want to go to sleep here because you want to be up making friends. It will all calm down I'm sure. Right...bed!!

Night night! Hope everyone is well. Missing you all deeply.
Esther :)

At University!

2007-09-17T17:38:00.001Z

So I'm here. I made it! Feeling kinda hungry which I think I'm going to keep moaning about for a while. My room is really nice. All new interior and ensuite which is just lush :)
Internet works haha which was going to be an issue if it didn't...just had to fiddle with the automatic IP address but now its all good. I've also gone quite pink...bedding pink, cushions pink, toothbrush pink, internet wire pink - oops lol.

It's been really busy though...having meetings,talks, doing presentations, doing numeracy tasks and I've got my first lecture tomorrow. Bla it's all go. I just found a minute to do this as I'm waiting for the stove to become free for my chow mein stir fry lol. Btw I've got lovely flat mates and am slowly getting to know other people.

Either way, I'm happy, well (refusing to get fleshers flu so I've got a million and one vitamen C stuff) and hungry lol. Missing people aswell and I'm sorry if I'm forgetting to reply to things...it's really hard because you can't reply at the time because you don't want to be unsociable etc. You'll understand when you get there lol.

Anyway love you all.
God bless, Esther :)

3 Days to go...

2007-09-12T20:25:00.000Z

Only 3 days till I leave for Uni!
It's beginning to get stressful...as most things usually get when there is a lack of motivation but know there is a lot to be done. Maybe my ID is acting out its refusal to leave or maybe, just maybe...I'm that lazy lol. I know a part of me is going to miss all the amazing friends I have and my family but at the same time I know that I am ready to go. I've had such a peace about where I'm going for such a long time and I know it's because I placed the decision in God's hands and I know that through the whole time there I'm going to have God with me every step of the way. He will keep be safe, loved and close :)

New Laptop!

2007-08-28T00:31:00.000Z

On Sunday my parents brought me a beautiful laptop as part of the list of things I needed when at Uni. Its a Toshiba and I've named is Toshy...I think? I don't know yet, still early days. But its obviously a girl because it can multi-task.

Not long till I actually leave for Uni now...just less than 3weeks. It's a scary thought because there is so much that I need to do like essays and stuff that my course have asked me to complete before starting. It's stuff like fill in a maths and english audit...e.g. can I spell everyday words? Like? Car? Lol.
Either way, my living room is slowly collecting kitchen bits and bobs including some sexy oven gloves! Just got to find a TV now, the thought of no TV at Uni does scare me a bit, actually it's the no freeview thing that scares me lol.

Updates of the move will come soon!

It was worth it...

2007-08-16T23:31:00.000Z

I passed my A-levels :) and I got into the Uni that I wanted to go to. So for the next month there will be packing, reading (from reading list), shopping (laptops, Tvs etc) and saying goodbye. Wow I'm soooo ecstatic that I got in...omw the freshers ball, what am I going to wear??
Ok people help, 007 theme - I can't exactly go in a tux!

Either way, I just want to thank God because without Him none of this would have happened. He is the reason for every smile :)

14 years of education...

2007-08-15T23:30:00.000Z

...for this very day. A-level results!
At 12:01am I should be able to see if I've been accepted into my Uni. Knowing me it will prob be jammed by so many 18year olds desperately praying for the word "accepted". Albeit, at 9am on thursday 16th august, I will have in my hand the grades from my subjects that I've been working so hard for for the passed 2 years. In a few hours life will change...and I know I'm in His Hands :D

"What you honking at??"

2007-08-12T13:58:00.000Z

The passed week, as my parents have been away, I've been walking to and from work. It's quite a trek yet can be quite enjoyable under some circumstances. However, what I object the most to is how in today's society women get degraded to...honks! If you're walking alone or with your girlfriends all you get is some annoying pervy driver honking at you and shouting out the window - "Come on darrrlllinnngg" and with some comical accent. Even if you ignore their pitiful behaviour they seem to continue on believing that we will turn around and go, "oh yes, your sleazy behaviour is everything I look for in a man" - COME ON! What happened to respect and dignity and gentlemen like behaviour?? Why are women subjected to such offensive and degrading conduct?

The other day a biker drove passed me blowing kisses quite dramatically - its humiliating!!!

I think I mite wear this round me next time!

A short get away!

2007-08-03T12:42:00.000Z

This week I've been in Devon with the parentals. I got a train down there and back which was an experience in itself. I learnt that I'm turning out like my Dad lol and to me thats a scary thought. The reason I think this is because I've noticed how I can easily start talking to people - complete randomers. I really shouldn't talk to strangers but how do u meet new people?

I like to think I'm not the only one out of my siblings that talk for england, I'm glad to say that my Bro matt is the master at it haha.

A sunset taken on the train home...

So the hol was good, didn't do a lot, just sat on the beach and walked and stuff. Got burnt and then tanned which was my aim for the holiday - not the burnt bit really. Omw I really hurt my knees (I actually burnt half of them so one side was RED and the other snowy white) glad to say now that they've kinda evened out.
Now I'm home, with no milk...and its really hot and I got to trek to work in a bit :(
Exam results in 13days!!!

Prom- Year 13!

2007-07-10T17:47:00.000Z

Prom 070707

What a fantastic night! We got a limo there as you can see and we had professional photos, a buffet and danced all night long... :)

Everyone looked stunning and it was a great way to say goodbye...Bye :)

Mobile Phone vs Bible

2007-06-30T11:19:00.000Z

I wonder what would happen if we treated our Bible like we treat our cell phone?

What if we carried it around in our purses or pockets?

What if we flipped through it several time a day?

What if we turned back to go get it if we forgot it?

What if we used it to receive messages from the text?

What if we treated it like we couldn't live without it?

What if we gave it to Kids as gifts?

What if we used it when we traveled?

What if we used it in case of emergency?

This is something to make you go...hmm...where is my Bible?

Oh, and one more thing. Unlike our cell phone, we don't have to worry about our Bible being disconnected because Jesus already paid the bill.

Silver Ring Thing

2007-06-23T11:35:00.000Z

Silver Ring Thing is a US-based sexual abstinence program which encourages young adults to remain celibate until marriage. Inscribed on the ring is a Bible verse. The verse is 1Thessalonians 4:3-4 and it states "God wants you to be holy, so you should keep clear of all sexual sin. Then each of you will control your body and live in holiness and honor." The rings are tokens of their vow, a reminder of their decision to remain celibate.

In recent news there has been a UK teenage girl who has been told not to wear her ring at school because it goes against the school dress code. Lydia Playfoot took her case to wear the ring to the High Court claiming that her school was discriminating against her by not allowing the wearing of a purity ring.

I was quite interested when I saw this on the News because I had heard of the Silver Ring Thing before this and never knew of many other Christians in the UK that were aware or even had the Ring. I personally don't have the Ring because of the decision that I don't need a material use to maintain my beliefs however I'm not saying that people shouldn't wear it - I'm actually really encouraged that they do and I think it is amazing, at the end of the day it's a personal choice. It crossed my mind though that if this issue has reason then how about the idea of people wearing necklaces with crosses on??

A song describing what's on my heart...

2007-06-15T09:21:00.000Z

It's all about You, Jesus
And all this is for You
For Your glory and your fame
It's not about me
As if You should do things my way
You alone are God And I surrender to your ways

Jesus, lover of my soul
All consuming fire is in Your gaze
Jesus, I want you to know
I will follow you all my days
For no one else in history is like you
And history itself belongs to you
Alpha and Omega, You have loved me
And I will share eternity with You

14 years of School...

2007-05-26T17:38:00.000Z

...and now it's over!!!
I've finally left school, I had my last day on Thursday. It is sad thinking that I may not see these amazing people again but part of me is also excited about all the adventures my future will hold, the people I will meet and the whole Uni life.
But till I can start thinking of that I need to pass these silly A-levels, which involves a bit of motivation which I'm actually lacking at the moment.
And I've got a cold now - the day I leave is the day I get ill. I'm sure it's because I haven't had much sleep due to getting up early every morning the last week just to wash my hair because we've had a lot of photos taken.

1993-2007!

And so much has happened in my life. I've met some amazing people who I will know forever and will love forever! I started wondering on Thursday- where will all these people be in 5 or 10 years time?! When I'm 28 (ahh) where will I be? I guess so many things can come into your path so there is no point planning things but to just allow the path to flow and to follow it, making sure you're living life to the full on each bend. Of course it's OK to dream but also to remember that sometimes life can become better than what you dream - you just have to allow it!
So what are my "dreams"...to love and marry and have children and to change lives and find contentment while at my lowest state. To have more friendships and to learn from each person I know and allow them to touch my life through their unique awesomeness. And to gain wisdom and understanding from wise people and then have opportunities where I can pass it on to others.
I want to have better than a dream...I want a life!

What happened...

2007-04-16T16:39:00.000Z

...to a fairy tale love story? With mystery and men who come and sweep you off your feet. When men act like real gentlemen and will turn their world upside down to win the heart of the girl they love.
It doesn't matter what clique you're from, we all aspire for the same magical love story.

So why have our child like fantasies faded with age? Maybe it doesn't even exist, that Disney just needed some more money so made it up? Or maybe we have such a delusion view because of the countless ends of marriages our society now sees?

But the idea had to come from somewhere and every human needs love in their lives - maybe a love story better than a fairy tale can come true? A love story better than all the dreams we have for our lives. God might have dreams for my life better than what I can even imagine, but I won't be able to see it if I don't give him my life, my all. But that involves trying not to take control myself. It takes a lot of faith but faith is the belief in something beyond comprehension and I know I believe that God loves me and I trust Him completely with my life and I know His plans for me are better than my own. So how exciting would it be to give Him control over my love life? To allow Him to guide me where He wants - He's the author of my life so why not allow Him to write a best selling love story?

Footprints in the Sand

2007-04-06T20:53:00.000Z

These are my footprints - I took the pic and placed the text over. Its a famous piece of text and is seen on many things like keyrings, bookmarks, cards etc. I believe that God does carry us - I know He carries me. God bless x

Quote

2007-04-02T22:19:00.000Z

Sometimes the greatest journey is the distance between two people...

Learning to trust!

2007-03-25T22:20:00.000Z

Life's no longer carefree. As kids, life was so carefree but I'm beginning to notice life isn't so. I'm starting to face the issues of adulthood, or just experiencing life, I don't know but it's not so fun because not a lot mattered when I was young. Heartbreak, illnesses, people leaving, starting a new life, losing friends and love ones. I'm just so grateful that I have the love of Christ in my life, someone who I can fall back on and to cast all my burdens upon because I know he cares for me.

"Always be strong, trust in the Lord your God"

Lyrics from a song I wrote when I was 12/13 yrs old. These simple yet true words have got me through some hard times. I just have to remember to trust! Thankyou God! x

Ironic

2007-03-21T22:41:00.000Z

I just wrote "forgive" in my media player and the only song that came up was "runaway" by the Corrs. It seems to contradict each other because to forgive someone you shouldn't run away - you have to face the issue face to face. You can't runaway from the issue and expect it to get better or to go away because it won't - instead it will begin to root and it will make you bitter. So forgive when it's easier, from the start! It would be horrible if they died tomoro and you didn't forgive them...

Happy 4th Birthday Blog!

2007-03-18T18:26:00.000Z

Wow 4 years this blog had been running! No idea how much of an impact it has made to anything but sometimes we never know how much we can be touching a life...
For the next year you will see such a change in my life...as I leave home and head off into the world, I pray you'll be here to share it with me!
Love and God bless,
Girl With A Mission! x

Things can only get better!

2007-03-15T23:07:00.000Z

Snaps for God!

2007-03-11T20:48:00.000Z

I got my January exam results back last week. I'm pretty happy but I know it was all God because when I was stressing and crying my eyes out for hours - he was the one who got me through it all. I prayer for his guidance in those exams and for his peace and when he tested me I listened : he wanted me to go to church to hang out with him for only like 3 hours but I was like WHAT I need to revise dude, do you want me to fail and He was like chill out girlie I know what's on that paper and I was like well I don't and then He said trust me -- somehow when God tells us to trust him it puts an overwhelming peace on the situation so I did end up going to church and a result of that was an A! I did work hard, you can't just pray for God to give you an A or even a pass without putting the effort in. But truthfully God has been in every single exam with me all the way through my GCSEs and now Alevels...just got June exams to go - come on God!!!!

Learning how to smile...

2007-02-14T19:42:00.000Z

Most find days like Valentines day hard to get through when they are "alone". Admittedly I do, but I don't understand why, there must be some pressure from society to mope around and be sad when you are "single" and when no one has sent you anything on valentines day.
But I don't want to be like that anymore - I want to be happy for my friends who are in love and just keep smiling each day with hope in my heart that God has set aside someone amazing for me.

Anyway, I'm not even alone or single - I have God in my life who I have a spiritual relationship with - and if I can't be happy during my season of singleness, then when my future husband comes into my life it won't change anything. I have to learn to feel complete within my relationship with God because my future husband won't be able to "complete" me spiritually or emotionally.

Fall in love with the Creator first and then when God writes your husband/wife into your love story it will be better than any fairy tale.

Snow Day!!!

2007-02-09T20:59:00.000Z

How immense is SNOW!!! It's such a rare thing to have in the UK but when it does/if it comes , it's the best thing! I made a HUUGGGEE SnowMan in the back garden - I felt like a kid (hence the baby voice in the video).

The Farm!

2007-02-07T16:59:00.000Z

Today I went to the Farm with the Reception children at the Primary School I'm getting work experience at.

We saw some ducks, sheep, cows, a pig and chickens! It was a surprisingly cold day and I thought my toes were going to drop off lol...I'm still in some patronising, child talking mode lol.

But yeh it was a fun day- we watched the children feed the animals and they collected some eggs. Then after lunch they split into groups and did different group activities like learn about what things were on the Farm that they could use to make a collage and about different textures and they did rubbings (you know when you get some paper and a crayon and rub to see the texture).

I'm all sleepy now though lol!

Top Friends on MySpace!

2007-02-04T19:44:00.000Z

The "Top Friends" things just causes upset and arguments I feel and I don't like them cuz its like u have to work extra hard to be a better friend and like you're always competing against someone. And if no one actually has you as a top friend then you just feel like what's the point you know...sometimes in life there is always one person who seems to win out better and they are always there beating you at it and its just like eugh, why bother?!

So to make a statement I don't have top friends and I don't rank my friends in order because they are all sooo special to me in all very different ways - everyone has different friendships and relationships than others and there is no possible way in comparing them.

How do you know?!

2007-02-04T17:07:00.000Z

I'm at the critical point in my life where I have to decide where to spend the next 3 years - possibly more - of my life living. There are too many things to consider and I have balance things against each other.
Anyone want to decide for me?
Or any advice on deciding...I think I have an idea but I need to make sure I'm 100% sure.

Help?!

My 18th Birthday Balloon!

2007-01-30T15:53:00.000Z

In loving memory of my balloon who lived for nearly 2months!! Brought on 9/12/06 and only has a few days left. Goodbye! x

How do you know?

2007-01-18T23:10:00.000Z

How do you know when you've matured? Or becoming someone who you like more?

Having a hard reality smack you in the face and then working out how to deal with it isn't easy, but at different ages we would handle the situation differently. Like making a mistake, for example, when we are young we might lie about it but as we mature we may admit to it and deal with the consequences. I'm not saying this is true for each individual but you know what I'm getting at.

But knowing how you are reacting to a situation and then compare how you could have reacted is pretty amazing...especially if you're acting in the right way.
Without going into specifics I'm dealing with a reality but even though it's scary I'm glad to see that I'm mature to deal with it and I know that dealing with it is going to help me mature more.
Just a thought.

Let me finish woman!

2007-01-17T10:26:00.000Z

Omw just had an RS exam which I really really wanted an A on and this stupid woman who was in the exam with us was sooo slow at getting the exam started and she kept faffing and she didn't know how long the exams were - she was pointless! Then at the end 10.07!!!! we had to finish and she was like right stop now and I said ok just finishing writing the word - i got to sa for said, she wouldn't even let me finish the sentence which most people allow you to do! Grr and then my row sat for ages (btw a row of 3!) because she forgot about us and we were waving our papers in the air and was like oh! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Sorry needed a rant!

One thing I've learnt today...

2007-01-16T12:48:00.000Z

I'm meant to be doing revision but the only thing I've learnt is that I'm a pro at wasting time - well it's probably more knowing how to avoid doing what I don't want to do.

I think it's time for lunch...after wasting an hour organising my emails

Ooops!

Celebrate

2007-01-07T19:02:00.000Z

We celebrate

You put dancing in our hearts

We celebrate

For all you've done and who you are

We lift your name

High above all other names

You are Lord of Heaven and Earth

Yehhhhhhh!

Review of 2006

2006-12-31T15:49:00.000Z

Sang to the Queen at the Royal Albert Hall and was on TV with CBSYC (City of Birmingham Symphony Youth Chorus)

Learnt how to look after self and the house while parents went away and I was left alone for 2 weeks

Passed As level exams

Passed driving test

Drove on the motorway

Had some Uni interviews

Passed my grade 5 music theory with distinction woo!

Turned 18

Met Ben Fogle who was the presenter in the annual CBSO Christmas concert at the Symphony Hall

It's good to have goals and even better when you achieve them...otherwise life feels like its dragging and getting nowhere. Here I come 2007 woo!

Can one man make a difference?

2006-12-30T23:45:00.000Z

He spoke out to adults when he was only 12

He made children smile

He believed in people

He spoke to people who were normally out casted

He loved people who weren't loved by anyone else

He put others in front of himself

He never asked for anything back in return

Then one day he lay down his life so

You

The world

Could spend eternity with him

So we could be forgiven from our mess ups in life

So we no longer have to feel that guilt

The guilt that keeps us awake all night long

He is the bringer of peace

joy

and more importantly

Love!

This new year we have another chance to make it right - the new year doesn't cleanse away the mistakes of last but at least you are now aware of someone who can. So how about it?

This year is going to discover a lot of weaknesses in me...moving away, living on my own, surviving uni, getting into uni, passing exams and allowing my life to be touched by my saviour and allowing him to be my strength - becoming dependent on him and not allowing myself to take control.

Losing control is scary but falling back on the one you trust to catch you can make your heart fly and if life's short then you're not meant to live it safe...allow your heart to fly, take the risks and then watch his glory. That's one thing I've learnt this year.

...if you're missing the link with the saviour I'm describing above his name is Jesus.

I gave up!

2006-12-21T12:32:00.000Z

Must apologies for not keeping up with this blog and posting everyday with the numbers and stuff but I've just been so busy...Even writing on here now is pushing my time because I need to be getting ready to go out.

Firstly I need to say that I had a great Birthday! I got a camcorder and a DVD player (for uni) and a chocolate fountain from my mates and a Kettle (for uni off a couple at my church - its amazing because it illuminates!) and loads of chocolate and money.
And the party was fun - I went to a Chinese buffet place with all my friends and we ate loads of food and I had a my first alcoholic drink as an adult. Ooo and I had a birthday cake brought to me at the table and the buffet place played some scary "happy baaaarthday" music and the whole place was watching and I could feel myself going red - it was ok I had a red top on lol. So yeh I had a good time and filmed loads of stuff - I just need to find a spare minute to learn how to edit on the computer and make a DVD woo!

Anyway I really must go...Got a concert at the Symphony Hall....Was meant to be meeting Aled Jones but he has hurt his leg - something to do with deep vein thrombosis...So meeting Ben Fogle instead woo!

Laters xxx

18th Birthday today!!!

2006-12-06T00:01:00.000Z

I'm 18 today! Finally an adult...not much I can do though...drink and vote? And enter silly TV shows like "Who wants to be a Millionnaire?"

...anyway I'll tell you what I get, I already think I know but I'm not going to say until I do get it hehe, I'm very excited and my mates have brought me a present together and they've bigged it up so much I think it's a house lol!

Love you all, from the 18 year old girl with a mission xXx

In the festive mood...

2006-12-05T00:15:00.000Z

Joy to the World the Lord is come

Let earth recieve her King

Let every heart prepare Him room

And Heaven and nature sing

Heaven and nature sing

Let Heaven, let heaven and nature sing

P.s. 24 hours!!! lol!

Love Came Down!

2006-12-04T09:36:00.000Z

"I've found a love greater than life itself

I found a hope stronger and nothing compares

I once was lost but now I'm alive in you

Thankyou Lord!"

Psst...

2006-12-04T08:52:00.000Z

2 days till my birthday!

Christmas Shopping!

2006-12-03T10:13:00.000Z

Yesterdays Christmas shopping was ever so painful and I can still feel the strains in my arms this morning. I should have worked out some plan when I started so I would buy the heavier items last! Might have saved me the agony.

I spent loads but still don't have everything...too many friends, that's the problem - or enemies that I just want to love? Lol!
Anyway Christmas is about giving and to remember the gift of Jesus on that first Christmas!

P.s. 3 days till my birthday!

Chocolate Soldier!

2006-12-02T00:12:00.000Z

A yummy soldier to eat today!

You might have guessed by now that I'm going to try and post everyday just so I can put up each day on before christmas.

Today I must do some christmas shopping...I've come to the realisation that this is my last christmas with all my mates from school so I need to get them all something good...dunno what though?!

P.s 4 days till my birthday!

Advent!

2006-12-01T09:27:00.000Z

I woke up today with a display of tiny little stockings hung in a row across the fire place and in each numbered stocking there is chocolate! Each year I normally have your average advent calender but after seeing a fair trade one this year I asked if I could have that instead of just anything. I suppose it must have been hard for my Mum to find so instead she put up this beautiful display.

P.s. 5 days till my birthday!

"Uve changed!"

2006-11-26T23:24:00.000Z

If I change...is that necessarily bad?

My life is to glorify God, I will change to become more like Him everyday, every second!
If you become more like Him then the change is good!

Unless you change, tomorrow will be the same!

13 days!

2006-11-23T10:57:00.000Z

Only 13 days left of being a "child" - I will soon be entering the world of tax and debt. But also finding love, freedom and independence!
But I'll always be a child - the day after my birthday, the 1st day in the world as an adult - I'm going to the zoo!! Lol, unfortunately not out of entertainment value but for psychology...eugh!

The winter flu!

2006-11-08T17:12:00.000Z

It's offically winter when you get that horrid flu. Sometimes you think you'll never get it as you watch the world around you scumb to its tortue. However you can never dodge it...one second you have a scratchy throat the next you're in bed watching breakfast at tiffany's and wondering why on earth you've decided to watch it because there is nothing in it that makes you laugh but just some soppy ending where they kiss in the rain.

Sigh...

Sorry men I need a rant!

2006-10-30T22:16:00.000Z

Just why I mean why how can they just be so...mean!!!
It must be the season for these "men" that once told their girls that they loved them to just turn mean! I dunno what it is, is it because it's coming up to Christmas and you guys don't want to buy Christmas presents because of course after Christmas theres Valentines day! Is this just your way to save money?! Don't take it that I'm just talking about my experiences with guys I'm speaking for half the women that have just spoke to me today. Literally in the past 2 weeks I know at least 5 couples that have broke up - and I don't know many couples!!! And it always seems to be because the guy turned into a jerk over night!

Now don't moan at me guys for writing this but I just needed to get it off my chest...I've been told that there are some actual men in the world...I do know some but half are taken! So thankful that I have my Prince Charming (read post below!)

Sigh...right back to school work!