girl with a mission

Well I've officially completed my second year at Uni studying to be a primary teacher - just one year left! Our lecturer said this morning - "In 15 months some of you will have your own class". That is such a scary thought...but kind of cool at the same time.

Well with this official end I hope it means I will have some time to write on this blog as it has suffered some neglect recently.

My first rant will have to be for the over consumed time and energy - fbook.
I was crawling through peoples profiles - as you do, fbook is a nosey world - when I saw all these different quizzes that you can do. These quizzes, depending on which one you take, can tell you their predictions about what you'll life will be like, how many children you'll have or when you'll get married. In the past I have found these slightly amusing, as it reveals specific dates and times that people will be proposed to or the different sexes of babies they'll have -until I saw a list of other possible quizzes. I was horrified to see quizzes saying "Find out what your NEXT boyfriends name will be?"or "When you'll lose your virginity?" with the tag line "will it be 13 or 40"!!!!!!

What is the world promoting?! What does society expect from this generation? Why would people even consider 13 to be socially acceptable?

Currently I have been listening to podcasts from Mark Driscoll about Gods designed purpose is with sex. How it is not a god or gross but is a gift and something that should be strictly held within marriage. Why? Because it is only within marriage that something so emotionally, spiritually and physically bonding can be protected, guarded.

I hope you have placed your belief and understanding of the purpose of sex in a secure and holy place.

Labels: Rant, University

I feel sad that this blog hasn't been so active for quite a while. I could list many reasons for this: - Uni
- Placements
- Church
- Boyfriend/friends/family
- Facebook

Yeh, I think there are too many distractions...especially the last one. I suppose this site has been running for a while and the excitement has died down. Maybe there is a realisation that my life is too busy? The only reason why today is free is because there is an inset day at school.

Well, to summarise my life recently - I'm still training to be a primary teacher, I'm in my second year which is ending next week!! Woo! I'm in a relationship/ courtship with an amazing Godly man and we are approaching 15 months together. I'm committed to a local church and God is changing and challenging me every day to grow to be a Godly woman.

I'm still not perfect, I'm still a sinner - but God is my saviour, my salvation, my strength!

Labels: Praise

Last year I gave up guys for lent. The purpose was to find out my identity without male affirmation, I just wanted to focus on God. It was such an eye opening experience to realise my feminity and beauty in God. To understand and know how to serve my brothers in Christ and how to serve God effectively in my role as a woman.

This year I want to read the well read book, 'Purpose Driven Life' by Rick Warren. I will be reading it along side one of my friends which will be good to get other support and opinions.

Lets watch this space to see what I learn...

Labels: Decision

Tomorrow is Valentines day. It's my first Valentines day with a boyfriend but that isn't what is making me smile at the moment. I just read through all my Valentines posts over the passed 4/5 years and I can see how I've grown...spiritually and emotionally.

I began with not liking Valentines, to being happy for others, to understanding where to place my singleness in the eyes of God, to rejoicing God's love for me and being secure in Him. I began talking about having that Valentines day with that special person, my future husband, when he comes along - when God writes him into the story. This is that year :) God has brought an amazing man into my life for me to serve and love. And my security isn't in this man whom I love but in the God that wrote him in.

I gave God the pen to my love story and He is writing each chapter as we walk. And yes, there are times when we muck up, when we snatch the pen back because we fail to trust God enough to write the story "correctly". We try to flick to the end of the book to see what happens. But why do we want to ruin it? Why do we believe our version of the story will be better? Why do we want to rush to end when it is actually the journey which is the destination?

Don't lose faith that God is writing your love story, if you want read all my Valentines posts to see how God changed me. Give Him the pen and trust in His guidance :)

Labels: Praise

I have to admit that I haven't been very good with this blogging malarkey recently. I have to agree with my brother that the world of fbook has killed blogging. Sadly I have been trapped into the obsessive need to be on fbook numerous hours a day. Unfortunately, if you're not on fbook then you don't get invited to things and you miss out on important details about your friends. People just get lazy to talk to each other about things.

One thing that really bugs me is when people change their relationship status to something that isn't true e.g. to married or engaged when they're not. It actually bugs me because then I have to work out what the truth is and if I should be sending them congratulation messages.

I wonder, if I didn't write anything on my fbook about me or put pictures up showing my life at the moment, would people contact me more to see how I am? Do people actually care? Or are they being nosey?

Labels: Just a thought

Recently I turned 20. I've officially moved passed the teenage stage of my life.
The day was my first birthday with my boyfriend Dave and he planned such an amazing day together. Unfortunately, I wasn't at all well on the day, due to the inevitable flu that goes round this time of year. So the day was spent curled up on the sofa, drifting in and out of consciousness. However, my day was moved to when I was better, and this evening Dave is cooking me a 3 course meal...he dressed up in a suit and everything!!

This is also our first Christmas together. We're not going to be together on the actually day so we're going to have our own Christmas day this Saturday. We set a price limit on our Christmas presents because otherwise I would just keep buying stuff. We already have a tree up in his flat which has been poorly decorated and I have most of his presents. Annoyingly, I ordered a present online and it apparently delivered but I couldn't see it. So, I phoned the company and asked where it was and they claimed that they left in on the porch...dilemma, I don't have a porch. I told them that they must have left it on the pavement which was a ridiculous thing to do because I don't live in a pleasant area. So, that present was stolen so they have reordered it for me. So much hassle, but it's worth it for my boy :)

There are so many exciting things I am doing this season. I'm going to see the Sound of Music in London on friday with my housemates. We're all meeting in London and it's for my housemates 21st birthday :) It's going to be so exciting!! Then Saturday is Dave and mine's christmas day and then on the Sunday he is taking me home and staying for a bit. Then on boxing day I'm going to go see his parents and then until New Year Dave will stay at my parents :)

My first Christmas with a boyfriend...I'm so excited :)

God bless, Esther :)

Labels: Happy, Ramblings

Before I came to Uni I was a really busy girl, I had my weeks planned to the hour of where I should be and what I should be doing. Even though it got tiring I loved it! My life was active and I wasn't idle. My first year of uni stopped my active pace though. There was a lot of hanging around and wondering how to drift away the hours and avoid work. However, this year my life has picked up a lot. But somehow it's picked up speed by like 100 mph. There is so much I have to pack into a day and make sure I get done in a week that I don't think I've had Esther time by myself with no stresses or worries over my head since I got here. I'm getting so stressed and tired out that my body is starting to tell me off by being a pain - literally!

My first year of uni I hardly ever cried! I was beginning to wonder if I was some hard shell or something, but honestly I was just really happy most of the time. This year however I seem to cry like every other day. I feel like everyone is on my back telling me off or moaning or adding to my to do list. I'm quite a sensitive girl as well and all I want to do is show love to people and try and serve them. I'm worried that one day I will turn round to someone and flip out...I won't but there is potential.

I upset myself earlier though because after half a day of back pain I suddenly remembered to ask God to take it away. Why do I forget to ask him for help? I pray to God everyday but why isn't He my first thought when I really need him? Is it because I'm trying to fix everything myself in my life that I rarely think of asking others to help me? Which is why I forget to ask God?

Maybe that is why I'm stressed, I'm trying to take on all these responsibilities in my own strength but I have a hope in a God that will carry my burdens. Maybe this physical back pain I have today is God trying to show me that spiritually I am breaking my back. I'm trying to take on every load myself and I don't try to cut things out of my life to make it lighter.

I'm very blessed though to have such a Godly boyfriend. He is so full of Gods grace and love that I can experience God's love for me through him. You know when you're really tired and stressed and it's only the people who are nearest to you, and that you love, that you actually take it all out on. Not on purpose but because they allow you to feel so comfortable around them, all your emotions come out. Well that happened last night and every hurt and upset everyone else had loaded on me that day just all came out on Dave. He had done nothing wrong and I picked up on the tinest flaw and let it all out on him. His first reaction was confusion and shock but as soon as he realised why I was acting so irrationally he ignored all my abuse and just tried to hold me to keep me calm. He just held my hand and took all the abuse until I calmed down and afterwards he said, "I love you and will always be here to help you. Let me be on your side and allow me to help you." It is only now that I can see God speaking through those words, "...let me be on your side", that is what God is trying to say to me. He wants me to remember Him and to ask for His help and strength everyday.

I'm sorry Lord for not being the perfect daughter. Help me to remember you each day and to ask for your strength with everything I do. Thank you for this back pain and showing me the truth behind it and thank you for Dave and his love for me. Thank you for being the example we can follow to love and serve others. Help me do all this today, In Your Name. Amen.

Labels: Just a thought, Praise, Ramblings

As I sit in the reasonably cosy house, I take in the senses of what is around me...

The hum of the boiler, the ticking of the clock,
the tapping on the laptop and the rain as it drops.

The dimmly lit room with the overscast of clouds,
makes the lonely sad house, duller than it sounds.

The newly peeled potatoes and the slowly dying flowers
roams and lingers round the house with a stenchful power.

All of a sudden I hear a scrapping at the door,
with keys in her hand my housemate falls to the floor.

Wet through and through she marches upstairs,
The rain that fell down got stuck in her hair.

The house remains still, sad and quiet,
the sound now left is the clock having a riot.

Labels: Boredom, Procrastination, University

Even though I am a second year now, the freshers flu has seemed to catch me and my housemates. Ironically I didn't even get freshers flu when I was a fresher but I guess that's life.
I've finally moved back to Uni where I am now in a Student house. I think it is really cute, the kitchen and the living are kinda combined with a breakfast bar making the divide. There are four girls, including myself in the house and we are all studying Primary Education. I've had such a busy first week back at Uni, even though I haven't actually started my course yet. I've been involved with the Christian Union's events for freshers week. I'm on the Committee for this year as the Secretary/ treasurer and I've been given lots of important stuff to do. All summer I sat at my laptop trying to book speakers and trying to contact the CU President who was in Zimbabwe. I'm really enjoying the role though and I love serving. A lot of freshers have shown interest to the Christian Union and I'm really excited about what God has in plan for this year.

My prayer is that the Christian Union will be effective at the Uni this year! It would be awesome if you could pray too. :)

Labels: Praise, University

The smell of freshly cut paper and newly ironed uniforms wade through the air...autumn is here. As this time approaches I can begin to see the cloud of stress, assignments, workload and tears drawing nearer. On the other hand, I can also see the sun, full of hope, laughter, peace and love. Even though the sun is brighter and stronger, the cloud can still cover it, it warps it's full beauty and potential. Most the time we believe we can't do anything about this - we just allow our troubles to win, why? No one likes them.

I talk of the sun but it's a parallel to the Son, Jesus Christ. He is able to take away the darkness, the clouds, the troubles and worries. How? Because He came to earth to die on a cross for our sins, He is the ultimate expression of love. And His love is for us, He loves us so much. He was and is perfect but He still died for sin, not His (He didn't have any) but our own! Why? Because He loves us, He wants us to accept this gift He has given us and spend eternity in Heaven with Him.
I've accepted this gift and through it those clouds that I could see are gone. He tells us to cast our fears and worries on Him because He loves us.

All I can see now is the Son!

Labels: Decision, Praise