Review of 2006

• Sang to the Queen at the Royal Albert Hall and was on TV with CBSYC (City of Birmingham Symphony Youth Chorus)
• Learnt how to look after self and the house while parents went away and I was left alone for 2 weeks
• Passed As level exams
• Passed driving test
• Drove on the motorway
• Had some Uni interviews
• Passed my grade 5 music theory with distinction woo!
• Turned 18
• Met Ben Fogle who was the presenter in the annual CBSO Christmas concert at the Symphony Hall

It's good to have goals and even better when you achieve them...otherwise life feels like its dragging and getting nowhere. Here I come 2007 woo!

Can one man make a difference?

He spoke out to adults when he was only 12

He made children smile

He believed in people

He spoke to people who were normally out casted

He loved people who weren't loved by anyone else

He put others in front of himself

He never asked for anything back in return

Then one day he lay down his life so

I

You

The world

Could spend eternity with him

So we could be forgiven from our mess ups in life

So we no longer have to feel that guilt

The guilt that keeps us awake all night long

He is the bringer of peace

joy

and more importantly

Love!

This new year we have another chance to make it right - the new year doesn't cleanse away the mistakes of last but at least you are now aware of someone who can. So how about it?

This year is going to discover a lot of weaknesses in me...moving away, living on my own, surviving uni, getting into uni, passing exams and allowing my life to be touched by my saviour and allowing him to be my strength - becoming dependent on him and not allowing myself to take control.

Losing control is scary but falling back on the one you trust to catch you can make your heart fly and if life's short then you're not meant to live it safe...allow your heart to fly, take the risks and then watch his glory. That's one thing I've learnt this year.

...if you're missing the link with the saviour I'm describing above his name is Jesus.

I gave up!

Must apologies for not keeping up with this blog and posting everyday with the numbers and stuff but I've just been so busy...Even writing on here now is pushing my time because I need to be getting ready to go out.

Firstly I need to say that I had a great Birthday! I got a camcorder and a DVD player (for uni) and a chocolate fountain from my mates and a Kettle (for uni off a couple at my church - its amazing because it illuminates!) and loads of chocolate and money.
And the party was fun - I went to a Chinese buffet place with all my friends and we ate loads of food and I had a my first alcoholic drink as an adult. Ooo and I had a birthday cake brought to me at the table and the buffet place played some scary "happy baaaarthday" music and the whole place was watching and I could feel myself going red - it was ok I had a red top on lol. So yeh I had a good time and filmed loads of stuff - I just need to find a spare minute to learn how to edit on the computer and make a DVD woo!

Anyway I really must go...Got a concert at the Symphony Hall....Was meant to be meeting Aled Jones but he has hurt his leg - something to do with deep vein thrombosis...So meeting Ben Fogle instead woo!

Laters xxx

18th Birthday today!!!

I'm 18 today! Finally an adult...not much I can do though...drink and vote? And enter silly TV shows like "Who wants to be a Millionnaire?"

...anyway I'll tell you what I get, I already think I know but I'm not going to say until I do get it hehe, I'm very excited and my mates have brought me a present together and they've bigged it up so much I think it's a house lol!

Love you all, from the 18 year old girl with a mission xXx

In the festive mood...

Joy to the World the Lord is come

Let earth recieve her King

Let every heart prepare Him room

And Heaven and nature sing

Heaven and nature sing

Let Heaven, let heaven and nature sing

Let Heaven, let heaven and nature sing

P.s. 24 hours!!! lol!

Love Came Down!

"I've found a love greater than life itself

I found a hope stronger and nothing compares

I once was lost but now I'm alive in you

Thankyou Lord!"

Psst...

2 days till my birthday!

Christmas Shopping!

Yesterdays Christmas shopping was ever so painful and I can still feel the strains in my arms this morning. I should have worked out some plan when I started so I would buy the heavier items last! Might have saved me the agony.

I spent loads but still don't have everything...too many friends, that's the problem - or enemies that I just want to love? Lol!
Anyway Christmas is about giving and to remember the gift of Jesus on that first Christmas!

P.s. 3 days till my birthday!

Chocolate Soldier!

A yummy soldier to eat today!

You might have guessed by now that I'm going to try and post everyday just so I can put up each day on before christmas.

Today I must do some christmas shopping...I've come to the realisation that this is my last christmas with all my mates from school so I need to get them all something good...dunno what though?!

P.s 4 days till my birthday!

Advent!

I woke up today with a display of tiny little stockings hung in a row across the fire place and in each numbered stocking there is chocolate! Each year I normally have your average advent calender but after seeing a fair trade one this year I asked if I could have that instead of just anything. I suppose it must have been hard for my Mum to find so instead she put up this beautiful display.

P.s. 5 days till my birthday!

"Uve changed!"

If I change...is that necessarily bad?

My life is to glorify God, I will change to become more like Him everyday, every second!
If you become more like Him then the change is good!

Unless you change, tomorrow will be the same!

13 days!

Only 13 days left of being a "child" - I will soon be entering the world of tax and debt. But also finding love, freedom and independence!
But I'll always be a child - the day after my birthday, the 1st day in the world as an adult - I'm going to the zoo!! Lol, unfortunately not out of entertainment value but for psychology...eugh!

The winter flu!

It's offically winter when you get that horrid flu. Sometimes you think you'll never get it as you watch the world around you scumb to its tortue. However you can never dodge it...one second you have a scratchy throat the next you're in bed watching breakfast at tiffany's and wondering why on earth you've decided to watch it because there is nothing in it that makes you laugh but just some soppy ending where they kiss in the rain.

Sigh...

Sorry men I need a rant!

Just why I mean why how can they just be so...mean!!!
It must be the season for these "men" that once told their girls that they loved them to just turn mean! I dunno what it is, is it because it's coming up to Christmas and you guys don't want to buy Christmas presents because of course after Christmas theres Valentines day! Is this just your way to save money?! Don't take it that I'm just talking about my experiences with guys I'm speaking for half the women that have just spoke to me today. Literally in the past 2 weeks I know at least 5 couples that have broke up - and I don't know many couples!!! And it always seems to be because the guy turned into a jerk over night!

Now don't moan at me guys for writing this but I just needed to get it off my chest...I've been told that there are some actual men in the world...I do know some but half are taken! So thankful that I have my Prince Charming (read post below!)

Sigh...right back to school work!

Prince Charming

Nearly every girl dreams of that Prince Charming, God puts that desire into us, but I've realised that that Prince Charming is actually my Lord and Saviour, a man who never gives up on me, who is always there, who never gets angry at me for making a mistake and actually picks me up when I fall down. Because I've allowed him into my heart I will one day ride off into His kingdom and live happily ever after all because of his love for me!

A girl who has always wanted to be a Princess,little did she know she always was!

Little things

Got home today and what did I find - post for me! I love it but not just that it was my driving license !!! Awful picture but yay!

The last minute...

Sometimes we may follow the path and accidentally get misguided and get lost and you may call out to God saying how confused you are and just before you stumble and fall God intervenes...At the last minute, not because He's mean but because He wants us to trust Him. I do!

Beware...

I passed my driving test today yay!!!!

I was actually convinced that I wouldn't pass today, I was just thinking that it was going to be a practice go lol. And then I kept making silly mistakes so I was deff convinced I'd failed and then when I got to the end and he told me to turn off the engine I was like right go on then tell me that I failed and he said, right well done you've passed and I was like haha don't joke because thats just mean...and I only got 7 minors and I'm really really happy.

Unfortunately because I'm going off to uni in a year, there is no point getting a car so I guess I will be like 25 when I finally get a car :(

Oh well at least I've passed :)
Well I can tick off another thing on my list...

Hope is a waking dream

A quote by Aristotle.

I feel so uninspired recently - i think its the going back to school experience and I'm either so busy or so bored that I have no time to think and search meanings into deep reflections of life. Through my immensely busy weeks the time seems to drag and slide all over the place and I never feel set anywhere and I feel like I haven't achieved anything and I'm going no where.

The roots of education are bitter, but the fruit is sweet - Aristotle

Heart Broken Emptiness

You know when you get heartbroken and there is just an emptiness inside. You find yourself endlessly going through each day, and it drags so much! At home you sit at the computer wait for some answer or message which will make it all better or you endlessly stare at your phone for an answer. But neither give you hope! Just wandering round the house in search of what? What's even the question?

Donut

Yeh I'm eating a Donut btw! Which my lovely friends, Luke and Sara, brought me...aren't they lovely. Yum yum, all eaten!

I'm at school at the mo, my lovely friends have abandoned me but I'm ok cuz I have my donut.
I don't know what I was going to write on here. I have some what of an exciting week - choir tonight and I can see all my clever friends who go to private schools, tomorrow I've got a singing lesson ooo which reminds me of my additions to my list of things to do - you know I wrote that list of things to do until the end of the year well I think I might extend it out to next June:

• Pass driving test - whenever that will be :s - not done
• Have Uni interviews and find a good Uni - not done
• Pass As level exams - tick
• Music Theory exam - not done
• Learn how to look after self and house byself - tick
• Sing for the Queen - tick
• Meet Aled Jones - not done
• Turn 18 - not done
• Pass Grade 7 singing - not done
• Pass A level exams - not done
• Sing in Sweden - not done (might not do)

Hehe well this will keep be entertained for a couple of months...

Primary Ed.

Today I started my work placement. I decided I needed some work experience so I could understand the Uni course I will be taking next year. So I'm working in a primary school - this is inbetween my A levels - so it's go to school and then run out get a bus and help out in the school during my frees.

Today was good because I went in both Nursery and Reception and I did singing in both with the kids. And they played in teh play ground and near the end they had milk/water with either a carrot or strawberry - wasn't like that when I was little. I remember having milk but I'm sure I had chocolate, shows how times are slowly changing.

Well I'm really tired now and I need to work into the night doing all the homework I've left to the last minute - as usual.

In a bit...

Heads up, mouths shut

Today was my last time I'd have a first day back to school. I told my Mum this morning if she wanted to take me to school for the last time on the first day as a joke but it kinda hit me that everything this year will be last - of school experiences of course. Seems sad, but I know that I still have a lot of first things to do in my life and I know all the experiences I've had and going to have this year will prepare me for those first things in life...

Whole Heartedly

I believe when we are born we are given a heart that we will one day give to the person we want to marry. From the time we are given this heart we have to protect it so on that wedding day we can give this beautiful gift, that we cared for our whole lives ,to our husband or wife. From this we can say to them that we will love them whole heartedly.

Unfortunately, we are not perfect and through our mistakes our hearts may get ruined. We could go from relationship to relationship, dragging our sorrowful heart along. By doing this we end up giving part of our heart to each person we choose – knowing that they aren’t the ones we will one day marry. By doing this our heart gets “smaller” because it has been chipped away at [first image]. Another situation could be that we come out of a relationship that has broken our heart and we never let ourselves fully heal after. We continue to let it shatter as we try and cover up our hurt [second image].

Through either situations our heart loses its wholeness and therefore, without healing, we wouldn’t be able to give that whole heart to our husband or wife. We don’t want to give a small or eaten away heart on that day you will remember forever because you will always regret not being able to give the person you love the heart they were intended to have, the heart that belongs to them.

Thankfully the Lord loves us and forgives us, through His Son we can be forgiven and our hearts renewed. He gives us fertiliser to let it grow and savlon for it to heal.
He is our gardener, our doctor, our Lord Saviour!

How much can I achieve...

...as my last 4months as a "kid" before I turn 18! The last couple of years I've always achieved something important to me before gaining another year to my life. And if I manage to do all the things I have listed before I turn 18 or the end of the year then it would be a great way to say goodbye to childhood and hello to adulthood.
Some things I have on list are:

• Pass driving test - whenever that will be :s - not done
• Have Uni interviews and find a good Uni - not done
• Pass As level exams - tick
• Music Theory exam - not done
• Learn how to look after self and house byself - tick
• Sing for the Queen - tick

Etc...

I got reminded the other day about how I use to go on and on about how old I was going to be, for example I would have been 12 for a month and then said "I'm going to be 14 next year" which was theoretically true but a year wasn't 12 months, just a time period till the next January.

I'll tell you how I do on my list...

Soul Survivor and As-level results!

Wow what a week! It's been scary, challenging and exciting!
Firstly soul survivor - well God worked in amazing ways and I'm sorry to those of you who don't believe but I don't care because I want to talk about my amazing saviour and you will see Him one day and also see how awesome He is!
One of the nights we were all worshipping - a tent of 10,000, pretty cool - and this is my mate [Greg's] story:

“I was being watched by scouts during a game of rugby to see if I could go pro when I was seriously injured. During a tackle I ripped five muscles and heavily bruised my vertebrae. I had keyhole surgery but the doctor’s said there was nothing they could do to make it better. I was in so much pain that I got addicted to painkillers and had to come off them completely and just live with the agony. The pain was so much that I couldn’t sleep and it’s been that way for over five years. During Soul Survivor I was praying for someone else and I felt God stop me and wash me in the Spirit. In short, the pain has gone, the aches have gone, the scars on my muscles and from the keyhole surgery are gone and last night I slept like a baby! In God I am 100% healed; something doctor’s said would never happen.”

You can't tell me that God doesn't exist! Fpr more insight visit http://www.soulsurvivor.com/uk/about/stories.htm

I also got my As level results while out there - that was a fun morning! I passed them all which I was chuffed about and on two subjects I was 1% off a higher grade like in Music I nearly got an A but I didn't lol it don't even matter though because it's all about points for uni and i still got another year left!

Bring it on...

Soul Survivor

Well 2days left till I'm off the Soul Survivor with my mates. This year is so exciting because instead of being cramped into a tent my parents have allowed me and my friends to use their caravan! Unfortunately we won't be able to get any electricity but we can run most the stuff off gas and battery - oh I do pray we don't run out haha.
If people don't know what soul survivor is then there is a link on the right side of my page at the bottom for it.

During our week at soul survivor the As and A level results come out - so most of us will be on our phones on the thursday morning dredding the news that we will recieve on the other end, what a torturous day!
Also on one of the days it is a very special friend of mines 18th birthday and I just wish them a joyous day! Hehe

Well all the best to everyone getting exam results in the next 2 weeks - don't be too nervous like me!
Love ya x x x

Photoness

Thats my eye - dunno which one lol
Originally uploaded by messyessy76.

I'm slowly learning how to use my camera and the effects I can put on photos on my computer. I took this photo a while ago but normally it didn't look any good and I've just done some tweeking and it's better - I got more pics on my flickr (just click on the photo above to access it) and I got some pics of Jenny modelling - we got bored hehe!

Our lips are sealed...

For those who know me they will know I'm a "fan" of Hilary Duff and for those who don't know who she is I have a video on my page >>>>
if you wanna check it out - it's a song she did with her sis

Sorry I'm this bored! haha
Hope you're all having a good summer...poland peeps are well in poland so lets hope the minibus don't break down, hehe!

xXx

Queen's 80th Birthday Prom

Royal Albert Hall at night
Originally uploaded by messyessy76.

Home comes an excited girl! Hehe, I've just come back from London with my choir (CBSYC) because we sang at the "Queen's 80th Birthday Prom” on the 19/07/06. There were 250 children, including us, singing to her. We first started with the national anthem and then sang "a little birthday music" which Sir Peter Maxwell Davis wrote, it was an amazing night.

Anyway, I spent 3 days in London - the first day we arrived and went straight to a rehearsal which was filmed which wasn't good because we'd just come off a sweaty 3hour coach journey, we then got to our hotel which the BBC played for us and then we had a walk down the Thames and got to St Paul’s Cathedral (10pm time) and sat on the steps singing a medley of Mary Poppin songs and we had pics and got a police man to sit with us and later danced back to bed - literally!

The next day we had more rehearsals ooo and we had to have a security check before entering the royal albert hall and go through those metal detector boxes and had bag searches and had to show a special pass that had our pic on, scary stuff! After the rehearsal we went to the park and had pizza delivered to us and it was soooo HOT 36+ degrees - not good! We then chilled, got an ice cream and then walked back to get ready for the concert.

We got on stage with all our water - being that in the rehearsals a little boy fainted. We were then told that we weren't allowed to come off at the interval because the queen was going backstage. We did some singing - lalala, Queen clapped and the show went on as we felt every part of our beings melt into nothing!

The Queen presented an award to welsh opera star Bryn Terfel! The concert went on, we melted more, we all clapped and smiled lalala. I was getting restless up there and so amused myself by watching the Tv cameras because from behind it you can see what they are recording.

We then came out and changed and waited for our conductor and my friend Philippa to come back to us from meeting the Queen (they spoke to her and Prince Phillip and Philippa got a kiss from Bryn Terfel - very exciting stuff). We got back to Hotel, ran down to the Tv lounge watched ourselves to see if we were on because the performance was at 7pm but wasn't shown on BBC1 till 10:50pm - so we laughed as we saw ourselves and got very tired so wandered to bed- but me and Philippa were a bit hyper and crazy and happy!!!

It was an amazing 3 days and I saw myself on TV yay!

Summer Sun!

Wow, talk about HOT weather! The thing that saddens me the most is that I don't live near the sea because I just want to be in there all the time+I can get a better tan when I'm at the beach. But I did buy a cool tankini yesterday with a funky white mini skirt which I'm wearing now as I've been lying in the sun. But it's just unbearable out there because there is no wind or coolness - that's the best thing about the sea because when you get hot you jump into the water.
But check this, I've persuaded my friends to go on a beach trip, only for a day, but at least it will shut me up lol.

I've kinda finished school now, I have got next week but most the week I'm in London so am only going in for a day and I won't even be there then as I'm going to my headteachers other school with my music class to check out there facilities etc.

I'm not doing much this summer - working, soul survivoring (hehe), resting, composing, restoring bedroom (other words-clean it out and change it all around), beach one day and another day go to Brighton with my Mum to see what it is like down there for Uni stuff.

Sigh...I'm already bored!

CBSYC [City of Birmingham Symphony Youth Chorus]

Ooo we WON - I'm actually next to the shield
Originally uploaded by messyessy76.

This is my choir and last weekend we did a choir competition in Wales called Eisteddfod and we won! It was such a shock because we were against some big international choir who split their choir in two and entered them twice *cheat*. The look on their face when we won was funny - it was a eugh we should have won look. The best part was that it was all said in Welsh and we had no idea what the judges were saying and when they said we had won we were like "what’s going on?".
Anyway there are some more pics on my flickr about are fun weekend and on this pic I'm next to the girl holding the shield : )

Woooo!!

Update: July 18th, 19th + 20th me and my choir are going to London to sing at the Royal Albert Hall for the Queens 80th birthday prom...and my closet friend in the choir has been asked to go to a post concert party. Lalala!
*edited: 13/07/06*

Church Camping weekend

On some hill/scary cliff somewhere
Originally uploaded by messyessy76.

Woo just got back from a, now hear this - NON rainy weekend in Wales - shock! Last year it rained loads but this year we came back with a bit of a tan. Me, Bec and Sara stayed in Greg’s tent because it was like a 6 man and mine was a 3 man- we needed the luggage room.
So I came late on the Fri - I had to work, need the money for Uni saving and for me generally being an expensive girl : ) - and my Dad who, bless him, drove me to the site only to travel back after at 11pm, let me drive his car round the field a bit - I moaned about his sticky clutch lol.
In the morning, I was woken by the glorious choir of birds that seemed to have their amplifiers surrounding my tent at 4am; I quickly dove under my pillow.
We spent Sat morning trekking up a hill/cliff and marvelled at the beautiful landscape and this bird hovering around us - I think it was a Kestrel, dunno!? After that tiring exercise we made lunch and then went to Bewdley for a walk by the river- where a Greg went to stroke a dog and it actually went to bite back- very amusing but Greg was a bit shaken (he didn't actually get bitten).
In the evening there was a BBQ and we played a lot of cards and the "youth leaders" were trying to remember the cheesy dances they use to do when they were teenagers which somehow resulted in handstands and flipping over people's backs.
At night we went for a little walk in the dark into the pitch black (kinda scary but we had torches and the beautiful singing of me and Jen "be bold be strong ...")
Today, everyone rushed home to watch the England game - which was boring because as much as I wanted a shower I knew I'd get bored...good job we won lol!

Love ya x x x

At last...

My exams are finally over and it feels soo good that they've finished early in the year. I not have time to spend on, well one, getting better (I've picked up some flu/cold thing due to the stress of exams), but I can start on all the tasks that I've been thinking about when I was revising - like clearing out my room and throwing loads of stuff away so it will be easier to clean and tidy out when I leave for uni next year.

Ooo and I guess I better really start thinking about what uni I'm going to go to, omw I really don't know ahh erm I don't even know a course...how do I start thinking about this. Actually saying that, I've been thinking about what I'm going to do at uni since year 10 - 2 years ago! But the thing is is that I've changed my mind a lot and then when I thought I'd got an idea someone would say something to make me re think and ahh!

Freedom...:)

Santa popped by...

A very late Christmas present off Santa
Originally uploaded by messyessy76.

Yep that's right, I just received my last Christmas present from 2005, and you'd think it would have been wrapped!

Well my parents were tidying up my brothers room, which I now know is where they hide the Christmas presents - use to be my Mum's wardrobe when I was little but she must have caught on, and I was getting older so the presents got bigger LOL. Anyway, they came across this box and realised it was a present that was meant to be for me for Christmas, so I just received it now - kinda sweet that she gave it me now, she could have just saved it for this year and then spent less lol.

I think I might just leave it to stand in the middle of my room, don't really know where to put it, it is actually really handy. Hehe just had the share the amusement in my house!

Honey we're home!!!

Whos standing on who?!
Originally uploaded by messyessy76.

Hehe, I got some pics from school of the drama show we did in Feb...I think if you click on this pic that it will take you to all the others.

The play we did was called "The Real Inspector Hound" - it was like one of those murder mystery plays but a comedy and we had so much fun doing it because you would never get tired of it. On one day when we performed it, I had tea spilt all the way down my dress and it was just soooo funny that I was crying with laughter on stage but trying to stay professional haha which I really couldn't do and there was a guy on the front row who would roar up with laughter which would make me laugh more. Fun times...

Tank + Turk

Theres a really cheesy funny video we made last year at re:fine (youth church) and if people wanna check it out heres the link. Tell me what you think!

Faithfully

Faithfully

Ooooo

Verse 1

Tonight I saw a shooting star
Made me wonder where you are
For years I have been dreaming of you
And I wonder if you’re thinking of me too

In this world of cheap romance
And love that only fades after the dance
They say that I'm a fool to wait for something more
How can I really love someone I've never seen before
I have longed for true love every day that I have lived
And I know real love is about learning how to give
I pray that God will bring you to me
I pray you'll find me, waiting faithfully

CHORUS

Faithfully, I am yours
From now until forever
Faithfully, I will write
Write you a love song with my life
Cause this kind of love's worth waiting for
No matter how long it takes I am yours
Faithfully

Oooo

Verse 2

Tonight I saw two lovers kiss
Reminded me of my own loneliness
They say that I'm a fool to keep on praying for you
How can I give up pleasure for a dream that won't come true
I will keep believing that God still has a plan
And though I cannot see you now, I know that He can
And someday I will give you all of me
Until I find you I'll be waiting faithfully

I found this song and I thought it was beautiful and wanted to share it with those other soppy people out there like me hehe, just click on the link and you will be able to listen to it, if it doesn't work email me or leave me a message in the comments box and I'll try and help.
This song feels real personal for me and those who know me will know what I mean. Thankyou x

A stroll by the river side

A stroll by the river side
Originally uploaded by messyessy76.

Woo I'm having a good weekend hehe, I spent yesterday with my mates in 'ross-on-wye' wherever that is?! Somewhere near Wales. We went round this Maze thing, had a walk, played in the river (as you do), went to get a drink on the other side of the river but didn't stay long as we got attacked by a swarm of flys and then went home to Gregs where we had Chinese and Indian and chatted - it was like a really cute day! If you check out my flickr you will be able to see some snaps I took in the day, as usual I had my camera on me - I love just capturing the moment!

Anyway, on Friday I went to see HILARY DUFF! Wooo it was immense! She had some weird support band who no one was sure of who they were, gimmic?! lol I dunno but they were alrite apart from their cheesy song they did at the end. It was one of those songs where you change the name of the song so to fit it with where they were and with their American/Irish accents they screamed "BERMINGHAAAARRM" down the mic a rough translation of that is 'Birmingham. Me and Jen were in hysterics. Lol and then I had some annoying kid in front of me who went and brought a glow stick and waved it right in front of my eyes the whole night and nearly whacked me several times as she got overly excited.
I think the most exciting bit was when Hilary sang "someones watching over me" there was just immense excitement!! Woo! Anyway, I'm gonna go and...erm fly?! lol I dunno but I'll catch ya later :D

It'll click!

For some strange reason I'm not stressing too much about my exams yet, actually that's a lie I am stressing but it hasn't kicked in as much that there's only a few weeks left and then this year is done! It feels weird compared to GCSEs, I'll cope, I hope!
Anyway I actually nearly fell asleep in my Psychology lesson last night, I was just so tired after being out all night on Mon and then doing non stop work for 12 hours on Tues, it was too much! And I haven't thought much about Friday and how immense it is going to be, I'm just trying to survive to the next day in the week.

Also some exciting/ surprising news yesterday, Emily came wandering into psychology and started talking about the hectic afternoon she had just had and I was like well why it's only been like 3hours since I last saw you and she was like yeh but after school I went straight to the theory test centre and then home and I was like wowowowo back up, theory? what! how when what!?!?! And she was like oh yeah just done my theory (in a relax casual way that she does) and I was like oml how it go and she was like yeh got 100% ! Me and Luke were gob smacked, we had no idea she was doing it, we thought she was getting a bit obsessive with learning it at school but I just thought she was avoiding doing psychology work! Lol, well done though Em, very proud of you!
However, it has pushed me to start getting mine done now, ahh!

BTW, Miss Saigon was good on Mon, we had a really good time it's on Saras blog if you want the minute by minute actions lol!

Woo Hilary Duff on Friday hehe :D *crazy dance* - ooo I need an outfit?! hmm!

Anxious!

It's getting scary now, last day of hols and then I'm back to school tomorrow. It then means I have a week to finish off my music coursework and help others with theirs - like singing for their compositions and stuff or harmonising for Sara (love ya girl). I've also got my As-level exams in 4weeks *gulp* I'm so not ready! I really think I should be revising than writing on here but I need an outlet! Too much to do and so little time to do it in...

What lies ahead for this week, apart from school...

Mon - Choir (CBSYC) and 'Miss Saigon' at the Hippodrome - a special outing for the Music students hehe

Tues - Driving lesson, Dentist (urgh) and Psychology lesson (evening)
Wed - Nothing really, Jenny ringing to confirm Fri hehe
Thurs - Singing lesson and Woteva (Youth Group)
Fri - hehe - HILARY DUFF!!! with Jenny :)
Sat - London with people from Church to go to 'Hillsong'
Sun - Church!

Anyway, must go shower, tidy, work and sleep lol! and sing of course!

Sun - Thurs = 7200 minutes

I have spent...

907mins / 7200mins – Watching “One Tree Hill”

2700mins / 7200mins – Sleeping

4500mins / 7200mins – Awake

360mins / 7200mins – Reading “P.s. I love you”

240mins / 7200mins – Revising

10mins / 7200mins – Wasting time working this out.

20 Questions!

This is some cool game which you can buy and it will try and guess what you are thinking in 20 questions - if it can't do it in 20 you win, but you have to be fair...anyways I've found it online for people to check it out click here!
When you've had ago leave a message saying what you were thinking and how many it guessed it in!
I was thinking of a Panda and it got it in 19 after asking if it was either a tyrannosaurus rex or Godzilla...which amused me! Have a go...

"The Passion"

Last night some friends from church came round and watched "The Passion of the Christ" and only 2 out of the 7 of us had seen it, I hadn't and wow it was deep! I actually prepared myself for it after hearing that people ran out of cinemas crying when they watched it. Before the film started we realised that we needed to prepare our hearts, so we prayed together asking that it would make us understand about the total sacrifice that Jesus gave.

When I used to take communion and say thankyou for the blood that Jesus poured for us, I don't think I ever really appreciated it enough, I guess I didn't understand about the amount that he poured and after seeing the film I know I will never take it for granted, if you get me- sometimes we need our eyes opening to the truth.

Throughout the film all I could hear were sniffles going round the room and when we watched the nails being smashed into his hands, oh my word the pain!! And he did that for me!

At the end of the film the room was silent and remained silent throughout the credits and even when I turned the TV off...silence! I thought the best transition from watching the film to reality was prayer so I thanked God for giving his son to die for our sins and for continually forgiving us! After 20mins of silence (seriously, I timed it) we began to talking and hugging as we said bye. When they left I got ready for bed, wrote in my diary and read my bible - I've been reading the book of John and it was amazing how everything Jesus said was put into the film, it was so accurate that the script of the play was in my bible - well obviously, because that's how it was!

Is your heart ready for Easter?

Day at the Zoo!

Woo, yesterday Me, Sara, Emily, Luke and Harvey (Mike) went to the Zoo. It was immense! We got the bus to town at 8am, the train from B'ham at 9:21am and then a taxi from Chester Station - we were going to walk or catch the bus but the taxi was a much better idea. We then got to Chester Zoo and hyped up on excitement and E numbers from the expensive smarties on the train we went and had an amazing day in the Zoo. We first saw the Elephants and they were sooo cute and we were making funny noises at all the animals to get there attention and stuff hehe.
We decided to give each other animal names, Sara was a Zebra because she looked like one with her black and white stripped top and an Emu because it was close to Emo haha, Emily was an Elephant, erm Luke was a Cabybara (those big looking guinea pig things), Harvey was a Tiger and I was a Rhino because we found out that one of the Rhinos was called Esther so it stuck lol. We have no idea why we chose the other names but it was fun.

Ooh and a funny/annoying part of the day was that I wanted to see the red pandas and they weren't there and then we went to find the Zebras for Sara because it would have been funny to get a pic with her and them and they were also not there.
Ooo we also went on a 'waterbus' in other words a boat round the Zoo, it was nice because the sun was out and Luke was gabbing as always hehe oo and we had a picnic on a bench outside it was cute.

When we wanted to leave we called the taxi people (they gave us their card-we were all prepared) and they came quite quickly and we got to the station and waited for the train to come, this time we had to do a change over in crewe but it was quicker that way. We got on the train and it was packed - luckily we were only on it for 30mins but me and Emily had to stand and t hurt and there was this annoying man who had this HUGE suitcase that took up the isle space one side of us and then another man who was sitting practically on our toes the other side so me and Em were balancing on a foot at a time constantly swapping feet to ease the pain. When we finally got off I nearly fell over lol. We then had to wait 30mins in Crewe for our train to come-the tiredness was hitting us now. We then got on the train and Em and Luke had a lil nap.

When we finally got home we were all wiped out but we had enough strength to eat a Chinese. It was great, we had like a buffet thing going on and we all started out eating with chopsticks - just for comedy value but we quickly caved as we were all really hungry and wanted to get it down lol. Then we had a sit and chatted and I put a funny vid on of a school concert that we were all in when we were in year 8 and laughed at each other. I then lent out all my good DVDs which has now left me with like a few that aren't that great hehe. My mates left mine at around 10 because we were really tired and poor Sara only had 2hours sleep.

It was a great day and we have many memories, I've left loads of pics up on my flickr if people wanna check em out and for more insight on the day check out Sara's blog where she mentions a bit more detail of the day- a bit too much detail in some areas (Giraffes) but highly amusing to read. x

No one uses tape cassettes anymore...it's the 21st century!

Hey! Lol my title is a bit random I know but my singing teacher keeps giving me songs to learn on tapes, it's hard having loads of songs on one tape because you can't skip songs easy.

Anyway, I've finally broke up for the Easter Hols, although my friends and I weren't so excited about the concept because we knew that we would be working harder at home than we have from the last week at school, in five days I must of only had like 7 lessons, not complaining but I get bored. Anyway I am looking forward to Monday because me and my friends (Sara, Emily, Luke and Mike - aka Harvey) are going to the...ZOO! Hehe kinda random I know but it's going to be great because we're taking the train up to Chester by ourselves and working out where we go and stuff and we'll be able to see all the animals and I want to see the red panda, I actually want to see the black and white panda but as far as I know they don't have them in England (if there is someone tell me) apart from in cute teddy bear forms. Then after the zoo my mates are coming round to mine for a Chinese and we're going to watch a film and we don't care what the boys say we're going to watch a chick flick wooo, most likely 'a Cinderella story' with Hilary Duff in- I will try to restrain myself from reciting the film, hehe!

I'm going to try and take loads of pics at the zoo so people can check them out when I put them on my comp, if I get my camera working that is. Ooo and there is a barn dance at church tonight :) life is good!

Finding truth

Yesterday my Guinea pig "candy" died - I had 2 called "candy" and "floss". However after my first Guinea pig died I didn't want to carry on getting attached to the other 2, plus I wasn't allowed them in the house or anything and they weren't easy to play with and I had a bad experience with them when I first had them so I just kinda left them to my dad.

But when I heard that "candy" died I was still upset, I pretended to be getting upset over the film I was watching - "a cinderella story", it was at a sad part when they kiss and aww anyway, I didn't understand why I was getting so upset. My Dad asked my Mum what what he should do with it and I just didn't want to know, it was like I just wanted to know that they vanished magically when they died, I didn't want the reality- even though I did know it, I am 17! But accepting the reality that my dad would throw it away was too horrible for me to admit.

Maybe we do this in our relationships. Like sometimes a relationship might me going really bad but sometimes we don't want to believe it is, the reality is harder to cope with. We blind outselves from the actual truth because we don't want to get hurt, we don't want to change. Like me, I'm 17 but I still want to believe the childs story that when they die they go to a 'special place', like in 'Friends', Joey thought the Duck went to a special farm.

Hmm...

Wooo I'm still alive!

Hehe last week didn't go as bad as I thought, the exam on Thurs went really well and we even made our drama teacher cry- this is someone who we thought was made out of metal or summat. And she actually said it was good and we made our friends cry and stuff, wooo!Two weeks left till the Easter Holidays, it will be nice to relax and have "me" time and spend time with mates and stuff. But in the next two weeks I've got to do another concert with my choir, record 2 songs for my music performances, record 1 composition which I actually have to complete first (I just can't write drum parts), re-check drama coursework and (ahh) other music coursework which I've totally forgot about ahh!

Anyway, I hate talking about work all the time but at the moment it feels like that's what my life is focussed around and it shouldn't be, it should be for God. And it is kinda, in the bible it does say summat like work to your best ability for the glory of God, I dunno.

Went to Church this morning, I'm mentioning this because I haven't been in 2 weeks because I've been ill and in Manchester. Unfortunately because of the time change (losing and hour) I was totally thrown and didn't wake up in time for the music rehearsal so I didn't sing, well I needed to just have some personal time with God, I'm not saying that when I'm singing at the front I don't get that, it's just that you're aware everyone is watching and it means I have to keep singing even if I want to sit and start praying. I know what I mean.

As you can probably tell, I'm so tired at the moment and stressed and busy and I just need to give it all to God, I'm feeling a distance between me and Him at the moment and I just need to sort myself out, I need my friends mainly to pray with me and to spend some ministry time together. I suggested that Easter weekend that the youth leaders, my mates and I watch 'The Passion' - I've never seen it and I’ve heard it is very moving and I just want to be in the right frame of mind for Easter.
So many people don't take it seriously enough; I mean Easter is more important than Christmas, but the only reason why Christmas is looked over upon than Easter is because people get presents, how selfish! Don't get me wrong, I'm talking about myself to here but I want to change...I've been thinking about this a lot recently, I really want to change, get away from this person who is always busy and stressed and become someone nicer to be around, to have more time to hang out with friends and mainly God.

I feel like I haven't been as close to God as I use to be when I was 13-15, since I started GCSEs and A-Levels I've felt a distance no not that but I used to be able to talk to everyone about God and everyone would ask me all these hard questions which I would love to answer but now I don't get the opportunities. I used to write loads on this blog about my relationship with God and I haven’t done it for a while so this is why I started pouring my heart.

Well this is getting too long and I need sleep and guess what, to do some work, even if it is 11pm. Night guys, God bless x x x

Half way through hectic week...

I think I'm coping at the moment, no major break downs yet lol.

Last night was our annual soiree concert. It's when we have a "formal" evening of entertainment...But I think the idea of formal has faded over the years. However I still took the opportunity to wear something fancy pants and sing opera. To be honest I haven't really sung an Operatic like piece before, well there was one but it wasn't in a concert, I was just opening a presentation evening at school. But I sang 2 songs the first one called "Harberna" which is out of a musical called 'Carmen' and the second piece I was also using as one of my AS level pieces and it's called "I Hate Men", which isn't actually true but it was a fun song to sing. I was so nervous about doing the second one because it's more of a piece that you have to act out and I was so embarrassed about doing it but I powered through haha.
Also in this concert, Sara sang a solo, she was amazing, I'm so proud of her and I didn't mess up the pages Sara wooo! hehe! Ooo and Luke did a "solo" well it was actually a duet because Emily helped out but he mainly played and he was really really good! And Emily did her fantastic composistion called "Heart and Soul" which is for violin and piano and it was amazing! Well done guys! :)

Tonight, I got my preview drama exam and today it meant to be a teacher training day but we had to go in and rehearse, we actually needed it though. And the exam is tomorrow night...kinda scared because this is like it after this it's like a 2hour exam and that's it, course done! And technically this will be the end of drama for me, forever...I want to drop it next year that's why, oo that's strange!
Well I'm gonna go and prepare for tonight, which means cut out the name 'Laura' in red card for my "bedroom wall" in the play. xxx

Sneezing and Stressing

What a coincidence that I'm stressing when doing stress in my Psychology lessons. to be honest its not a coincidence because I'm always stressing so you know. Anyway (pauses to actually listen to the Psychology lesson)..hour later...Oh my word that lesson was impossible, why am I taking this subject?! It started off great and then she got into the science part - i dropped science for a reason, I DONT LIKE IT! Woosh the lesson went right over my head, and the rest of the class apart from those who are taking a level Bio.
ANYWAY... we got our module test results back last week, I did one exam in Psychology and got an A :) yay!

*Atchoo* yeh that reminds me due to my hectic week coming up I've become stressed and with stress comes along a cold/flu. For me next week involoves:
fri
-work
-party
sat
-work
sun
-choir competition in Manchester-some bbc thing
mon
-choir
-psychology lesson
tues
-School music concert (2 solos)
wed
-Preview night for drama exam
thurs
-Actual drama exam
fri
-back to work!

Anyway must go and finish my music essay *sigh*

HILARY DUFF!

This is like the most exciting thing ever...Hilary Duff is coming to Brum (Birmingham) and I'm going to see her, I got my tickets already. Hehehe well the concert is the 28th April 06, OMW this is immense. I think I'm a little more excited than the Kelly Clarkson one, only because I've known of Hilary Duff for longer. Me and Jenny are going again, she's like my concert gilry now hehe (my lil sis :) )

BTW, I've done my thankyou letter(s) I actually did 2 because I wanted them both to know how much I care for them. But I haven't done action 8 yet because I have to plant some seeds and the weather's just to horrible to be digging up mud. But so far I've kept away from the TV, lol todays one (action 9) is to have a TV free day. It is so hard because I always watch TV when I come home from school so instead I emailed a friend in Poland...Hi Asia!

Well I'm going to go and dry and straighten my hair before my psychology lesson tonight...I hate my 4th A level lesson being a twilight course...

Why not do a crazy dance...

Actions 5-7

Amazingly I do actually have a life which is why I haven't been able to write one for each individual day.

Fridays (5) - Let someone go in front of you in a queue : well i didn't actually do this on the friday basically because i didn't find the oppotunity so i did it on saturday morning when going to town, I let this old lady go in front of me when getting on the bus.

Saturdays (6)- Write to thank someone - going to be honest and tell you I haven't done it yet I just need to think of someone to actually write to.

Sundays (7)- was to light a candle and pray for someone...yeh I did that, I turned all my lights off and sat there with one candle flickering in the darkness and prayed for one of my closets mates.

Action 4

Have a meat free day....

Recently I haven't had much time for eating proper meals and I mainly eat on the go. I had marmite for lunch and tuna and cucumber sandwich for dinner as I raced from singing lesson to a choir rehearsal on the other side of town. Tomorrow - give up your place to someone who is in a rush...how will I do that?!

Action 3 for Lent

Spend some time in silence....
I did this before I went to bed because when I really thought about spending time in silence I first thought well I could just be silent for like an hour of two at school but then I realised that it wasn't just me that had to be silent, but things around me to. The only real time you can do this is when the world around you is asleep and as a night owl that was pretty easy to do. As I sat in silence I thought about the people in my life, people I love and I prayed for each of them.

Lent!

Well yesterday was Pancake day, that's how I know it's called. So today is the first day of lent! Ok, so traditionally people give up things for lent, typically chocolate or something around those lines. But after a youth service I went to a month ago, I decided that instead of giving up, that I should give up giving up and give! If that makes any sense.
Well we got these small books which tell us what "action" we can do each day up till Easter sunday. In the book it started from Monday(27th feb) and these "actions" are meant to impact the world you live in. The verse they use is : "You will be made rich in everyway so that you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your genrousity will result in thanksgiving to God" - 2 corinthians 9:11 (NIV)

Well I'm going to try and do as many of these as I can and I guess these will bring me some amusing stories to share...like a litter walk?!

Anyway,Mondays was to make someone laugh - *tick* I did that!
Tuesday - Go to a Party - well ones coming up so I guess that will count!
Wednesday (today) - spend some time in silence...When?! I'll find some...

I'll keep you updated each day...

Kelly Clarkson

Me and Jen - going to see Kelly Clarkson
Originally uploaded by messyessy76.

Oh my word! Me and Jen (aka "little sis") went to see Kelly Clarkson on Monday at the NEC. She was IMMENSE! Me and Jen knew like all the songs and were screaming (yes not singing) them at the top of our voices. When we got to the NEC we bumped into Claire, Anx and Vicky so we walked in with them and it was freeeezing in our skirts...I didn't have a jacket, it didn't go lol (Jen was sensible). I then bumped into some christian mates from Soul Survivor (guys?!) I asked this one guy after why he went and he said because someone gave him a ticket to go...fair dos. ANYWAY, we got in waited for like what seemed forever and then she came on and started with 'Walk Away'. I could write forever about each individual song but if you saw me the day after you would have already heard it. I'll summarise SHE WAS AMAZING because she put so much passion and energy into her voice and performance and she was like really chatty and cool and saying this girl was really cute.
I just want to thank Jen for inviting me to go with her, love ya lil sis :D

"Since you been gone..."

What is love?

I bet you've thought of this before and you know that awkward question when people say "but how do you know you're in love?", how are you meant to answer, does anyone know?! The only way we even know of love is because of God. But I'm talking about a different type of love, if you know what I mean, by the way I'm not answering this question because the point is is that I can't...can you?
Here are some quotes that I like about love that I've been thinking about recently...

That thing, that moment, when you kiss someone and everything around becomes hazy and the only thing in focus is you and this person and you realize that that person is the only person that you're supposed to kiss for the rest of your life, and for one moment you get this amazing gift and you want to laugh and you want to cry because you feel so lucky that you've found it and so scared that that it will go away all at the same time. - quoted from "never been kissed"

"Love is always patient and kind; it is
never jealous, love is never boastful or conceited; it is never rude or selfish;
it does not take offense, and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other
people’s sins but delights in the truth; it is always ready to excuse, to trust,
to hope, and to endure whatever comes. Love does not come to an end." - from the Bible which is quoted in "a walk to remember" - a very good film!

Love is friendship on fire! quoted from "The Perfect Man" - a Hilary Duff movie (woo!)

Have you ever been in love ?

Have you ever been in love?
Been in love where your heart races when you see them.
When you ache when they are not there.
You only yearn for their return.

Have you ever been in love?
Been in love when your head can only think about them.
Every song reminds you of every special moment you've had with them.

Have you ever been in love?
Been in love where only your future is all that matters.
You see them in your arms forever and ever.

Have you ever been in love?
Been in real love?
I have ... the moment my heart fell for you!

Homesick

Not from earthly home. It's a title to a MercyMe song:
"If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place Lord, won't you give me
strength to make it through somehow I've never been more homesick than now"

I feel like that at the moment...it's somewhere I know I'm safe from the worlds troubles and heart breaks. It's somewhere I wanna be...with my Maker, my Saviour, my Lord!

Trying not to drown

I feel like work and life is floating just under the top of my head and any more will actually drown me. I just managed to control a whole work load of drama by actually completing it which took me like 4 months - it was 10 pieces of cw though. Now I'm panicing about getting my music cw done - which I can only do at school because it's a composition on the special software on the computers, as well as haivng two drama shows on thurs and fri this week and the music has to be by this fri and it's no where near finished.
I can't wait for this half term, I'm just going to unwind so much by doing nothing! Hehe.

I want sleep!

Highs and Lows!

I feel a need to update woo hehe. At the moment I'm in quite a good mood - God is awesome and just knows how to bless me. Ive been thinking about blessings a lot recently especially after having a church meeting on it- that was great, we had to write things that have blessed us in 2005 and we put it on this "wall of blessings" and prior to it I spoke in front of the church about how my family and friends were such a blessing to me during my gcses last year. I worked out that when I talk about things that I'm passionate about I get really worked up and emotional, mainly at church- I really need to learn how to control that.

Anyway, lows- well there are some certain people who are just upsetting me at the moment and I know I shouldn't let people get to me but I don't like it when people aren't happy with me. I always have to have peace with everyone -ah!

"Come what may, I will love you until my dying day!"

Thinking...

I want to leave you with a thinker...
"God Himself does not propose to judge a man until he is dead. So why should you?"

Are you ready...

... for 2006? A new year to start again or to continue the road you've been traveling?
What are your expectations for this year? What do you hope for and what do you fear?

There are so many things to think about as we approach this year. If I look back at 2005 I can see how much my life has changed since 2004. Through one single event your whole world can change. In 2006 I will begin my last year of school and preparing for university, that means I need to find out what God wants me to do at uni and where He wants me to go. Hopefully I'll find that out this year. I'm also going to be turning into an adult this year and hopefully I will pass my driving test. There are so many things that are going to happen that will change me forever- I've just got to make sure I listen to God so the changes in my world are for the better and to His plans because I know He has the best plans for my life!

Happy New Year!