Finding truth

Yesterday my Guinea pig "candy" died - I had 2 called "candy" and "floss". However after my first Guinea pig died I didn't want to carry on getting attached to the other 2, plus I wasn't allowed them in the house or anything and they weren't easy to play with and I had a bad experience with them when I first had them so I just kinda left them to my dad.

But when I heard that "candy" died I was still upset, I pretended to be getting upset over the film I was watching - "a cinderella story", it was at a sad part when they kiss and aww anyway, I didn't understand why I was getting so upset. My Dad asked my Mum what what he should do with it and I just didn't want to know, it was like I just wanted to know that they vanished magically when they died, I didn't want the reality- even though I did know it, I am 17! But accepting the reality that my dad would throw it away was too horrible for me to admit.

Maybe we do this in our relationships. Like sometimes a relationship might me going really bad but sometimes we don't want to believe it is, the reality is harder to cope with. We blind outselves from the actual truth because we don't want to get hurt, we don't want to change. Like me, I'm 17 but I still want to believe the childs story that when they die they go to a 'special place', like in 'Friends', Joey thought the Duck went to a special farm.

Hmm...

Wooo I'm still alive!

Hehe last week didn't go as bad as I thought, the exam on Thurs went really well and we even made our drama teacher cry- this is someone who we thought was made out of metal or summat. And she actually said it was good and we made our friends cry and stuff, wooo!Two weeks left till the Easter Holidays, it will be nice to relax and have "me" time and spend time with mates and stuff. But in the next two weeks I've got to do another concert with my choir, record 2 songs for my music performances, record 1 composition which I actually have to complete first (I just can't write drum parts), re-check drama coursework and (ahh) other music coursework which I've totally forgot about ahh!

Anyway, I hate talking about work all the time but at the moment it feels like that's what my life is focussed around and it shouldn't be, it should be for God. And it is kinda, in the bible it does say summat like work to your best ability for the glory of God, I dunno.

Went to Church this morning, I'm mentioning this because I haven't been in 2 weeks because I've been ill and in Manchester. Unfortunately because of the time change (losing and hour) I was totally thrown and didn't wake up in time for the music rehearsal so I didn't sing, well I needed to just have some personal time with God, I'm not saying that when I'm singing at the front I don't get that, it's just that you're aware everyone is watching and it means I have to keep singing even if I want to sit and start praying. I know what I mean.

As you can probably tell, I'm so tired at the moment and stressed and busy and I just need to give it all to God, I'm feeling a distance between me and Him at the moment and I just need to sort myself out, I need my friends mainly to pray with me and to spend some ministry time together. I suggested that Easter weekend that the youth leaders, my mates and I watch 'The Passion' - I've never seen it and I’ve heard it is very moving and I just want to be in the right frame of mind for Easter.
So many people don't take it seriously enough; I mean Easter is more important than Christmas, but the only reason why Christmas is looked over upon than Easter is because people get presents, how selfish! Don't get me wrong, I'm talking about myself to here but I want to change...I've been thinking about this a lot recently, I really want to change, get away from this person who is always busy and stressed and become someone nicer to be around, to have more time to hang out with friends and mainly God.

I feel like I haven't been as close to God as I use to be when I was 13-15, since I started GCSEs and A-Levels I've felt a distance no not that but I used to be able to talk to everyone about God and everyone would ask me all these hard questions which I would love to answer but now I don't get the opportunities. I used to write loads on this blog about my relationship with God and I haven’t done it for a while so this is why I started pouring my heart.

Well this is getting too long and I need sleep and guess what, to do some work, even if it is 11pm. Night guys, God bless x x x

Half way through hectic week...

I think I'm coping at the moment, no major break downs yet lol.

Last night was our annual soiree concert. It's when we have a "formal" evening of entertainment...But I think the idea of formal has faded over the years. However I still took the opportunity to wear something fancy pants and sing opera. To be honest I haven't really sung an Operatic like piece before, well there was one but it wasn't in a concert, I was just opening a presentation evening at school. But I sang 2 songs the first one called "Harberna" which is out of a musical called 'Carmen' and the second piece I was also using as one of my AS level pieces and it's called "I Hate Men", which isn't actually true but it was a fun song to sing. I was so nervous about doing the second one because it's more of a piece that you have to act out and I was so embarrassed about doing it but I powered through haha.
Also in this concert, Sara sang a solo, she was amazing, I'm so proud of her and I didn't mess up the pages Sara wooo! hehe! Ooo and Luke did a "solo" well it was actually a duet because Emily helped out but he mainly played and he was really really good! And Emily did her fantastic composistion called "Heart and Soul" which is for violin and piano and it was amazing! Well done guys! :)

Tonight, I got my preview drama exam and today it meant to be a teacher training day but we had to go in and rehearse, we actually needed it though. And the exam is tomorrow night...kinda scared because this is like it after this it's like a 2hour exam and that's it, course done! And technically this will be the end of drama for me, forever...I want to drop it next year that's why, oo that's strange!
Well I'm gonna go and prepare for tonight, which means cut out the name 'Laura' in red card for my "bedroom wall" in the play. xxx

Sneezing and Stressing

What a coincidence that I'm stressing when doing stress in my Psychology lessons. to be honest its not a coincidence because I'm always stressing so you know. Anyway (pauses to actually listen to the Psychology lesson)..hour later...Oh my word that lesson was impossible, why am I taking this subject?! It started off great and then she got into the science part - i dropped science for a reason, I DONT LIKE IT! Woosh the lesson went right over my head, and the rest of the class apart from those who are taking a level Bio.
ANYWAY... we got our module test results back last week, I did one exam in Psychology and got an A :) yay!

*Atchoo* yeh that reminds me due to my hectic week coming up I've become stressed and with stress comes along a cold/flu. For me next week involoves:
fri
-work
-party
sat
-work
sun
-choir competition in Manchester-some bbc thing
mon
-choir
-psychology lesson
tues
-School music concert (2 solos)
wed
-Preview night for drama exam
thurs
-Actual drama exam
fri
-back to work!

Anyway must go and finish my music essay *sigh*

HILARY DUFF!

This is like the most exciting thing ever...Hilary Duff is coming to Brum (Birmingham) and I'm going to see her, I got my tickets already. Hehehe well the concert is the 28th April 06, OMW this is immense. I think I'm a little more excited than the Kelly Clarkson one, only because I've known of Hilary Duff for longer. Me and Jenny are going again, she's like my concert gilry now hehe (my lil sis :) )

BTW, I've done my thankyou letter(s) I actually did 2 because I wanted them both to know how much I care for them. But I haven't done action 8 yet because I have to plant some seeds and the weather's just to horrible to be digging up mud. But so far I've kept away from the TV, lol todays one (action 9) is to have a TV free day. It is so hard because I always watch TV when I come home from school so instead I emailed a friend in Poland...Hi Asia!

Well I'm going to go and dry and straighten my hair before my psychology lesson tonight...I hate my 4th A level lesson being a twilight course...

Why not do a crazy dance...

Actions 5-7

Amazingly I do actually have a life which is why I haven't been able to write one for each individual day.

Fridays (5) - Let someone go in front of you in a queue : well i didn't actually do this on the friday basically because i didn't find the oppotunity so i did it on saturday morning when going to town, I let this old lady go in front of me when getting on the bus.

Saturdays (6)- Write to thank someone - going to be honest and tell you I haven't done it yet I just need to think of someone to actually write to.

Sundays (7)- was to light a candle and pray for someone...yeh I did that, I turned all my lights off and sat there with one candle flickering in the darkness and prayed for one of my closets mates.

Action 4

Have a meat free day....

Recently I haven't had much time for eating proper meals and I mainly eat on the go. I had marmite for lunch and tuna and cucumber sandwich for dinner as I raced from singing lesson to a choir rehearsal on the other side of town. Tomorrow - give up your place to someone who is in a rush...how will I do that?!

Action 3 for Lent

Spend some time in silence....
I did this before I went to bed because when I really thought about spending time in silence I first thought well I could just be silent for like an hour of two at school but then I realised that it wasn't just me that had to be silent, but things around me to. The only real time you can do this is when the world around you is asleep and as a night owl that was pretty easy to do. As I sat in silence I thought about the people in my life, people I love and I prayed for each of them.

Lent!

Well yesterday was Pancake day, that's how I know it's called. So today is the first day of lent! Ok, so traditionally people give up things for lent, typically chocolate or something around those lines. But after a youth service I went to a month ago, I decided that instead of giving up, that I should give up giving up and give! If that makes any sense.
Well we got these small books which tell us what "action" we can do each day up till Easter sunday. In the book it started from Monday(27th feb) and these "actions" are meant to impact the world you live in. The verse they use is : "You will be made rich in everyway so that you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your genrousity will result in thanksgiving to God" - 2 corinthians 9:11 (NIV)

Well I'm going to try and do as many of these as I can and I guess these will bring me some amusing stories to share...like a litter walk?!

Anyway,Mondays was to make someone laugh - *tick* I did that!
Tuesday - Go to a Party - well ones coming up so I guess that will count!
Wednesday (today) - spend some time in silence...When?! I'll find some...

I'll keep you updated each day...