Celebrations

Recently I turned 20. I've officially moved passed the teenage stage of my life.
The day was my first birthday with my boyfriend Dave and he planned such an amazing day together. Unfortunately, I wasn't at all well on the day, due to the inevitable flu that goes round this time of year. So the day was spent curled up on the sofa, drifting in and out of consciousness. However, my day was moved to when I was better, and this evening Dave is cooking me a 3 course meal...he dressed up in a suit and everything!!

This is also our first Christmas together. We're not going to be together on the actually day so we're going to have our own Christmas day this Saturday. We set a price limit on our Christmas presents because otherwise I would just keep buying stuff. We already have a tree up in his flat which has been poorly decorated and I have most of his presents. Annoyingly, I ordered a present online and it apparently delivered but I couldn't see it. So, I phoned the company and asked where it was and they claimed that they left in on the porch...dilemma, I don't have a porch. I told them that they must have left it on the pavement which was a ridiculous thing to do because I don't live in a pleasant area. So, that present was stolen so they have reordered it for me. So much hassle, but it's worth it for my boy :)

There are so many exciting things I am doing this season. I'm going to see the Sound of Music in London on friday with my housemates. We're all meeting in London and it's for my housemates 21st birthday :) It's going to be so exciting!! Then Saturday is Dave and mine's christmas day and then on the Sunday he is taking me home and staying for a bit. Then on boxing day I'm going to go see his parents and then until New Year Dave will stay at my parents :)

My first Christmas with a boyfriend...I'm so excited :)

God bless, Esther :)

Just trying to breathe

Before I came to Uni I was a really busy girl, I had my weeks planned to the hour of where I should be and what I should be doing. Even though it got tiring I loved it! My life was active and I wasn't idle. My first year of uni stopped my active pace though. There was a lot of hanging around and wondering how to drift away the hours and avoid work. However, this year my life has picked up a lot. But somehow it's picked up speed by like 100 mph. There is so much I have to pack into a day and make sure I get done in a week that I don't think I've had Esther time by myself with no stresses or worries over my head since I got here. I'm getting so stressed and tired out that my body is starting to tell me off by being a pain - literally!

My first year of uni I hardly ever cried! I was beginning to wonder if I was some hard shell or something, but honestly I was just really happy most of the time. This year however I seem to cry like every other day. I feel like everyone is on my back telling me off or moaning or adding to my to do list. I'm quite a sensitive girl as well and all I want to do is show love to people and try and serve them. I'm worried that one day I will turn round to someone and flip out...I won't but there is potential.

I upset myself earlier though because after half a day of back pain I suddenly remembered to ask God to take it away. Why do I forget to ask him for help? I pray to God everyday but why isn't He my first thought when I really need him? Is it because I'm trying to fix everything myself in my life that I rarely think of asking others to help me? Which is why I forget to ask God?

Maybe that is why I'm stressed, I'm trying to take on all these responsibilities in my own strength but I have a hope in a God that will carry my burdens. Maybe this physical back pain I have today is God trying to show me that spiritually I am breaking my back. I'm trying to take on every load myself and I don't try to cut things out of my life to make it lighter.

I'm very blessed though to have such a Godly boyfriend. He is so full of Gods grace and love that I can experience God's love for me through him. You know when you're really tired and stressed and it's only the people who are nearest to you, and that you love, that you actually take it all out on. Not on purpose but because they allow you to feel so comfortable around them, all your emotions come out. Well that happened last night and every hurt and upset everyone else had loaded on me that day just all came out on Dave. He had done nothing wrong and I picked up on the tinest flaw and let it all out on him. His first reaction was confusion and shock but as soon as he realised why I was acting so irrationally he ignored all my abuse and just tried to hold me to keep me calm. He just held my hand and took all the abuse until I calmed down and afterwards he said, "I love you and will always be here to help you. Let me be on your side and allow me to help you." It is only now that I can see God speaking through those words, "...let me be on your side", that is what God is trying to say to me. He wants me to remember Him and to ask for His help and strength everyday.

I'm sorry Lord for not being the perfect daughter. Help me to remember you each day and to ask for your strength with everything I do. Thank you for this back pain and showing me the truth behind it and thank you for Dave and his love for me. Thank you for being the example we can follow to love and serve others. Help me do all this today, In Your Name. Amen.

Watching the rain fall

As I sit in the reasonably cosy house, I take in the senses of what is around me...

The hum of the boiler, the ticking of the clock,
the tapping on the laptop and the rain as it drops.

The dimmly lit room with the overscast of clouds,
makes the lonely sad house, duller than it sounds.

The newly peeled potatoes and the slowly dying flowers
roams and lingers round the house with a stenchful power.

All of a sudden I hear a scrapping at the door,
with keys in her hand my housemate falls to the floor.

Wet through and through she marches upstairs,
The rain that fell down got stuck in her hair.

The house remains still, sad and quiet,
the sound now left is the clock having a riot.

Freshers Flu...

Even though I am a second year now, the freshers flu has seemed to catch me and my housemates. Ironically I didn't even get freshers flu when I was a fresher but I guess that's life.
I've finally moved back to Uni where I am now in a Student house. I think it is really cute, the kitchen and the living are kinda combined with a breakfast bar making the divide. There are four girls, including myself in the house and we are all studying Primary Education. I've had such a busy first week back at Uni, even though I haven't actually started my course yet. I've been involved with the Christian Union's events for freshers week. I'm on the Committee for this year as the Secretary/ treasurer and I've been given lots of important stuff to do. All summer I sat at my laptop trying to book speakers and trying to contact the CU President who was in Zimbabwe. I'm really enjoying the role though and I love serving. A lot of freshers have shown interest to the Christian Union and I'm really excited about what God has in plan for this year.

My prayer is that the Christian Union will be effective at the Uni this year! It would be awesome if you could pray too. :)

Are we welcoming the worries of Autumn?

The smell of freshly cut paper and newly ironed uniforms wade through the air...autumn is here. As this time approaches I can begin to see the cloud of stress, assignments, workload and tears drawing nearer. On the other hand, I can also see the sun, full of hope, laughter, peace and love. Even though the sun is brighter and stronger, the cloud can still cover it, it warps it's full beauty and potential. Most the time we believe we can't do anything about this - we just allow our troubles to win, why? No one likes them.

I talk of the sun but it's a parallel to the Son, Jesus Christ. He is able to take away the darkness, the clouds, the troubles and worries. How? Because He came to earth to die on a cross for our sins, He is the ultimate expression of love. And His love is for us, He loves us so much. He was and is perfect but He still died for sin, not His (He didn't have any) but our own! Why? Because He loves us, He wants us to accept this gift He has given us and spend eternity in Heaven with Him.
I've accepted this gift and through it those clouds that I could see are gone. He tells us to cast our fears and worries on Him because He loves us.

All I can see now is the Son!

David!

Now this isn't the David from the Bible, but he does have an amazing Godly character, like the one from the Bible. He is actually the guy I'm courting. Yes, I know "courting" is probably seen as an old fashioned term but for us it means dating with a view to marry. We've only been going out for 5 months but God has blessed us in so many ways during and before the time we started courting. We've grown closer to God and through every trial and challenge we face we are continually building a stronger foundation for our relationship.

So why am I writing this blog about him? Well I wanted to show the world how proud I am of him. He has such a heart for God and he does so well at leading our relationship. He is so supportive and encouraging towards all my dreams and ideas about the future. Even though he isn't that musical he will still listen and support my love for music. He amazes me that he can make me smile when I'm really down and that he has so much patience for me. He knows how to challenge me, in a good way that can build me up. He knows me so well that it amazes me when I talk to him on the phone and he can tell within 3 words if there is something wrong with me or not, even if I'm pretending to be fine.

He will even go out of his way to show me how much he cares for me. The other week he drove me all the way to Exeter - which was like some 4hour drive because of traffic - just because I wasn't feeling 100% well to travel on the train, we were even standing at the train station and the train was pulling in and he just turned round and said, "right I'm driving you there". I don't know what I've done to deserve such a wonderful man in my life.

He complements me so well and I'm so blessed to have him in my life. I just want to thank God for this amazing guy who I'm falling in love with!

Unforgetful summer

I've recently returned from a 2 week beach mission in Polzeath with Scripture Union. The experience was awesome and really improved my relationship with God. We were tested as a team in so many ways, one example being the weather. You would expect that in the midst of summer we would have lovely sunny days most days but no, we experienced what seemed like monsoon season. I think over the two weeks we had 4 days of sun. However, we found the rain a blessing because it meant we could shine brighter in the darkness. By this I mean that it's so easy to smile and serve people in lovely sunny weather where we are happy to stand outside for ages doing jobs or talking. However, when the rain is beating down on you it takes more effort and energy to smile and radiate Gods love. This shows people more obviously how dedicated we were in what we were doing and saying.

I met some amazing people during the two weeks and I really hope I return in coming years where I can continue to see the children we came across grow in Christ. Also, to see the team members grow in their relationship with God as well.

God is such an awesome God! Tomorrow I'm going to a christian camp called momentum for a week...woo!

A letter from God...

My Child,

Not only can I hear you, but I know everything about you (psalm 139:1). I know when you sit down and when you rise up (psalm 139:2). I am familiar with all you ways (psalm 139:3) even the very hairs on your head are numbered (Mathew 10:29-31) For you were made in My image (genesis 1:27) In Me you live and move and have your being (acts 17:27-28).
For you are my offspring (acts 17:28) I knew you even before you were conceived (Jeremiah 1:4-5) I chose you, when I planned creation (Ephesians 1:11-12).

You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in My book (psalm 139:15-16) I determined the exact time of your birth, and where you would live (acts 17:26) You are fearfully and wonderfully made (psalm 139:14) I knit you together in your mother’s womb (psalm 139:13) And brought you forth on the day you were born (psalm 71:6) I have been misrepresented by those who don’t know Me (john 8:41, 42, 44) I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love (1 john 4:16) And it is My desire to lavish my love on you. Simply because you are My child and I am your Father (1 john 3:1) I offer you more than your earthly father ever could (Mathew 7:11) For I am the perfect Father (Mathew 5:48)

Every good gift that you receive comes from My hand (James 1:17) For I am your provider, and I meet all your needs (Mathew 6:31-33) My plan for your future has always been filled with hope (Jeremiah 29:11) Because I love you with an everlasting love (Jeremiah 31:3) My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore (psalm 139:17-18) And I rejoice over you with singing (Ephesians 3:17) I will never stop doing good to you (Jeremiah 32:40) For you are my treasured possession (exodus 19:5) I desire to establish you with all My heart, and all my soul (Jeremiah 32:41).

And I want to show you great and marvellous things (Jeremiah 33:3) If you seek Me with all your heart, you will find me (Deuteronomy 4:29) Delight in Me, and I will give you the desires of your heart (Psalm 37:4) For it is I, who gave you those desires (Philippians 2:13) I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine (Ephesians 3:20-21) For I am your greatest encourager (2 Thessalonians 2:16-17) And nothing will ever separate you from My love again (Romans 8:38-39) I have always been your Father, and will always be your Father (Ephesians 3:14-15).

Love,

Your Heavenly Father.

Summers begun...

Last week I went to Devon with some friends. We stayed in a static caravan which was a 5 minute walk from the beach. We went; body boarding, swimming, walks, and played; cricket, football and cards. I had an amazing time hanging out with my friends and having BBQs on the beach and watching some beautiful sunsets. We visited both Illfracombe and Woolacombe where we walked through the town and played on the beach.

I had so much fun taking a million photos including this one here.

Now I'm home, away from my Uni friends and missing them all lots. It's amazing how much life can change in a year and the friendships that can form. It has got me thinking about how much life is going to change in the next few years as I finish Uni and get a job and begin another chapter of my life. I can't even begin to foresee what my life will be like after Uni or even the possible changes that may occur in the next year. I don't think I could have ever predicted the amazing things that have happened in my life this year.
There is still so much that this summer is going to give me before I go back to Uni. I hope that I can make the most of it :) One thing I know for sure is that God will never change and that He is always there for me and always will be :)

Beauty...

Beauty can be seen in...

the colour of the sky,

the rising of the sun,

the laugh of a child,

the design of our Lords creation,

the thought from a friend,

the love of a neighbour,

...forgiveness.

Stepping Stones

For years I have wrote on this blog about relationships and waiting and searching for that future spouse. Yes, I understood it wasn't an easy road to follow but I guess that there was still some naivety in my thoughts. I guess I didn't address or even think about entering a relationship with someone. I guess in my thought process I just thought God would place that person in your life; you would court them and have a perfect chapter of the love story each day with smiles on every page. I’m realizing now that it is never going to be like that. There is an obvious reason for that, it’s because that perfect love we are searching for isn’t found in another human it is found in God alone. That smile of every page is when we get to heaven because we live in a world full of sin and we are not perfect.

Where is this thought process going? Well I guess it is a realization that maybe I should have had many years ago that there is a stepping stone between friendship and marriage. It is a relationship and I guess there is more than one stepping stone because in a relationship there are hurdles that the couple encounters. For the couple to reach the next stepping stone they have to work together to tackle it. The consequences of not tackling the hurdle together would either mean the couple doesn’t move from the stone they are on, meaning they aren’t moving deeper into their relationship. Or, they fall off the stone because they lose balance causing an end to the relationship and friendship, or hopefully they make the joint decision to walk back to the foundation they had in place at the beginning, known as the friendship, which means they can both be happy in the decision they made. This decision may open the opportunity for the couple to get back together in the future if God agrees.

It is unfair for a guy/girl to enter a relationship with someone and believe everything is going to be perfect. That thought process will only lead to disappointment and upset. I used to think being in a relationship would be easier than being single. I was mistaken, I had the wrong perspective. It’s not the idea that life gets easier when in a relationship, instead it’s that life becomes different because there is someone else you have to think about. It’s not easier or harder, it’s just different. There are different thought processes than when you are single and different concerns and worries. Also though there are different joys and happiness as you get to learn about that special someone and share your life with them. But there are also different joys and happiness when someone is single like having time to learn about you and investing into more friendships. I guess I just want to encourage single people out there not to crave and desire over being in a relationship. I know I used to do it but it wasn’t until I properly lived my single life with joy and contentment that I felt satisfied and at peace.

So, allow God to use the season of life you are in to shape you into the perfection of Jesus Christ...and remember if you are on those stepping stones with a partner or by yourself remember that God is there guiding the way. With every spiritual hurdle, allow your relationship with God to deepen where that final stone is heaven, the marriage of Christ and the Church.

School placement over!

Three tiring weeks later and placement is finished. Sadly there are still three assignments to write before I can actually retire from my first year at Uni. I'm so tired at the moment though from waking up at 6am for passed three weeks. I feel I need to catch up on it but tomorrow I need to get my phone fixed. Yeh my Nokia is being a pain, it keeps turning itself off and keeps losing it's memory and then getting it back again. There are too many stressors at the moment, can't be having the phone being part of the list.

On an up note, this summer I'll be going away for a few days to Cornwall with my friends at Uni in the CU. Hopefully learn how to surf and soak up at tan! Two weeks ago we had lovely weather where I began to catch the sun and started looking healthier again but it soon hid away, and with it, so did my tan.

Anyway, I must catch up on sleep before the evening starts. Tomorrow I'm going bowling with my friends and at some point start writing my essays.

Bon Nuit!

Lucky - By Jason Mraz ft. Colbie Caillat

Do you hear me? I'm talking to you,
Across the water across the deep blue ocean
Under the open sky oh my, baby I'm trying
Yeah I hear you in my dreams I hear your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets hard

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Oooohhhhoohhhhohhooohhooohhooohoooh

They don't know how long it takes
Waiting for a love like this
Every time we say goodbye
I wish we had one more kiss
I wait for you I promise you, I will

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
I'm lucky we're in love every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

And so I'm sailing through the sea
To an island where we'll meet
You'll hear the music, fill the air
I put a flower in your hair
And though the breeze is through the trees
Move so pretty you're all I see
Let the world keep spinning round
You hold me right here right now

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
I'm lucky we're in love every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

Ooohh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
Ooooh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

Silent Lightning

Last night I gazed out my window to see if I could see the stars. As I scanned the clear night sky I noticed sudden flashes of light in the distance. It lit up the sky so well and it seemed to changed the sky from night to day with just a flash of light. This continued for a while and there was no noise before or after to make me think it was thunder and lightning. So we researched online to see if there was any such thing called silent lightning. Apparently there is and it is called 'heat lightning' which is an eerily silent flash that often lights clouds in thunderstorms. It normally occurs on hot sumer nights which would make sense after the week of hot weather we've had.

Incase you're a fan of the wiki, heres a link.

Isaiah 40:28-31

Do you not know? Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.

He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;

but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

Morning Reflection

It isn't usual that I spend quality time with God in the mornings...normally because I don't see the mornings but today I went to a prayer breakfast at the Christian Union, mainly because I'm leading one next week and kind of needed to get an idea of how they worked. However, that small sacrifice of pulling myself out of bed has allowed me to feel one step closer to God today and that is worth it all. I've enjoyed the beautiful weather that is outside, I've enjoyed the amazing company of my friends at CU and I've been able to enjoy the awesomeness of God.

I came home and decided to read my bible and work through my thoughts about life and situations. I noticed as I was reading some amazing verses that I'd come across before but I wanted to share them with you here. They are kind of about suffering but the hope that we can receive through suffering if we choose to accept it.

Romans 5: 3-5 "Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love had been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us."

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 "But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

Hard Rock Calling...

With my new passion for Jason Mraz I was researching if he was doing any gigs in the UK and I found this http://www.hardrockcalling.co.uk/lineup/ !!!!

Eric Clapton, Sheryl Crow, John Mayer and Jason Mraz! How exciting! I actually really want to go but with the cost of tickets and me being a poor student and all, it doesn't seem like a possibility :(

I can always dream I guess...I suppose that's what most students do, daydream hehe especially in lectures :p

A New Realisation

Recently I've come to learn that I am kind of affected when there is a lack of caffeine in my diet. In other words, I'm addicted to caffeine and when I don't have any I get a bad headache. Most people believe this to be a psychological thing but I thought I was drinking normal tea and then I started getting a headache and I didn't understand because I never got headaches. Then later on I learnt that it was decaffeinated tea.

The horror!

A Woman's Heart...

The passed 46days throughout Lent I've been trying to rediscover my identity in Christ as a woman. I've been learning and practicing serving others and trying to build a spirit of beauty. It's not something that comes overnight and it doesn't come with ease. As I always say, "Sacrifice is the thing that sets us apart."
During the passed few weeks I've tried to placed all this in a song so I could remind myself about it when I need reminding. Here it is...



Sorry guys, kinda a girly thing...but guess what, I am one lol.

A Late Birthday...

This blog was 5years old 2 days ago. Due to stressful assignments I've had to do I kinda forgot. Oops. Well Happy 5th birthday blog, thankyou for all of those years of ramblings and for many more to come.

To appologise I will share one of my favourite songs at the moment with you...

I'm Yours - Jason Mraz



On another note, it's 3 days till Easter.
Tomorrow is Good Friday for those that don't know, the day that Christians believe Jesus died on the cross for our sins. Thankyou Lord.

12 days to go...

...till easter. I wanted to post a video that a very good friend of mine sent me. This really stirred something in my heart and I hope it stirs something up in yours...

How amazing is God :)

Keeping on track

How can we, Christians, tell that we are keeping on track with our christian life? I know this question opens up many areas of life but I guess I'm focusing on our love for Him.
This thought has come to me recently, actually these thought processes normally work themselves out as I type, I guess it's my way of working out my thoughts.

OK, well you know when people are in love and all they can do is think about that person, they talk about them all the time and can't seem to function efficiently because they feel consumed by that other person...well isn't this how we should be with God? Shouldn't we be so consumed by God that everyone knows why we are smiling each day? Shouldn't we be radiating His love in our lives that everyone who meets us gets effected by it?

I guess the thing that limits me from doing this is getting that "christian freak" label. Don't get me wrong, I will and am completely OK with having that label, but I guess I wonder how I can radiate God's love in my life without freaking out my non-christian friends? Where is the balance? I guess maybe apart of me is lacking faith in Gods ability to work in my friends lives...I don't think God would want me to change who I am to fit a comfortable image for my friends. I guess I should allow God to work His miracles and I should live the miracle He has given me.

I told you I work these thought processes out as I type... :)

Cancelled Lectures

Even after the school experience, there is still excitement when you hear that a lesson has been cancelled. I'm really happy this week though because I've had like 4 lectures taken out of my week. So my next lecture won't be until next wednesday. This has given me a choice of how to spend my time. I could choose to be good and get lots of work done or I could be a bit lazy and just chill hehe hmm.

I was even told last night that a 2000 word assignment has been pushed back as well. For some reason I feel like all these delays of work will pile up into a stressful time after easter. Maybe I want to keep ahead of my work.

On the other hand, there are 24days til Easter...this will be my first Easter away from home. When I was younger my parents would invent an easter egg hunt for me. They would give me a clue with each egg so I could find the next. I would spend Sunday morning before church running round the house....good times.

What makes me smile...

...is when I look outside and all I see is a bright blue sky with random white fluffy clouds floating around.

Last night it had pelted it down with rain.
It reminds me that when there is a storm and when everything seems dark and bad, that by the end of it the sun (Son) rises and shines with awesome brightness and beauty. All the bad is gone and all we see is good. :)

Wanders

I find that I quite enjoy going for wanders on my own. Just me and my thoughts. Feels like I'm in my own little world like some bubble. Today I needed to go in town but by the time I got into town I stood there thinking why did I come in again? So I just kept walking, seeing if I would get inspired.
There is no purpose to this blog, I'm just in a thoughtful mood.
I'm going to go play my guitar now and see if I can sing what's in my head. To be honest, I don't really know what I'm thinking about. One thing I know about myself is that I seem to get affected "emotionally" before I work out the problem. Maybe there is no problem...who knows.

Imitating parental behaviour

I found myself, as I was sitting with my flatmates sharing a lovely meal together, that I was saying comments I heard as I grew up.

"What pudding do people want" thought process *there won't be enough if we all have crumble*.

"Have you finished with the ice cream?" thought process *I'll put it away so it doesn't melt*.

"Who wants to finish the rest of the custard" thought process *because I want some more* haha.

Do we become our parents?

Valentines

It's the day that most single people dread and couples get stressed about lol.
Well as a single girl in this world I wasn't too fussed about it being Valentines because I know that one day I'll have someone special. I don't want it to be like a waiting game for that person though but I know that when I have someone it'll be worth all the times of feeling lonely.

However, today I had a lovely surprise. My parents had sent me a card just saying that they were thinking of me and that they loved me. The thought meant so much to me and I want to say thank you to them on here as well as a phone call later hehe.
I guess that's what people want on Valentines, just to know that someone is thinking of them. Inside the card it said "God thinks of you all the time". What could make you smile more :)

So I'm happy today, despite the moody people that are around and the annoying loved up people and the stupid woman who dug herself in a hole when she asked me and my friend if we had valentine day cards. She then seemed disappointed that we hadn't, where we were completely happy that our friends and family loved us.

So Happy Valentines Day...remember that if you don't feel loved by the people around you, that there is a God in heaven who is thinking just of you and who loved you so much that He sent His only Son, Jesus, to die on a cross for you!

Procrastination

Since arriving at Uni, I've come to use this word frequently through my days here. For people that aren't sure what it means, it is merely a type of avoidance behaviour. For example, avoiding tasks or decisions, that may cause anxiety or stress. However, for a person who gets into the habit of procrastination they find that they over exaggerate in their mind about their inability to complete or start a task. The word itself comes from the Latin word procrastinatus: pro- (forward) and crastinus (of tomorrow).

I realised quite consciously that looking up the meaning of procrastination and the history, and psychological meanings behind it, that it was also another procrastination activity for me to do, avoiding the weighty amount of assignments I have.
...I have decided to make another label for my posts: "Procrastination"

Dancing like a child...

I'll admit it, I dance around like a kid in my room. I love it. Haha. ok, you might think I'm weird but it stops me from building a wall of inhibitions of a "grown up" heart and spirit. (That prob don't make sense lol) but in other words, I like and want to keep my child like spirit :) Call me weird but thats me...unique :) hehe :)

Shrove Tuesday

In other words...pancake day :)
I must admit, I'm a lover for pancakes and today in my Uni world, me and my flat mates are going to spend time together making and eating pancakes. A simple task but a time where relationships can be built...a time of fellowship.

However, this means that tomorrow is Ash Wednesday, the beginning of Lent. This year I've thought and prayer hard about giving up something for Lent. However, I'm not just merely giving something up, I'm spending this period to transform my heart and hopefully it will shape my character. My aim for Lent is to find inner beauty. I'm not going to go in to detail with how I intend to do this but part of it is discovering my femininity. The serving and loving heart of a woman of Christ. But I know I won't be able to do this in my own strength, but in God's alone.

Have you thought about how you could use this season to transform your heart and life?

Got a HOUSE!

Oh my word! I'm so excited. We've just been looking around a couple of houses and we were beginning to worry because honestly they were like dives lol. Anyway we came up to this house and we weren't feeling optimistic but I said come on guys lets see what it's like inside and oh my word! It was amazing. We fell in love with it straight away. We can get it for real cheap with bills all included! Then to make it even better, the land lady said she went to the same church as me and my other house mate, we were gob smacked. Come on, if that's not a reasurrance from God then what is.

Yayyyyyyyy! :)

Housing!

For the past 10 hours I've been sporadically refreshing the housing list page from my University. It's like a chase, who can be the first to the nicest houses and can place there money down on the table. I'm literally ready to run, trainers by my side and a cheque book in my bag. Ok, I'm probably a little too worried about this but to be fair if we get a nice place, I might be living there for the next couple of years, maybe even after University.
I guess at the end of the day it all comes down to God's amazing plan, which may be different from my own...we'll see :)

The Roles of Men and Women

Before I begin I want to mention that this is a recent thought process and I'm still going through ideas and thoughts about this. I'm relating this to both Marriage and the Church because, at the end of the day, God uses these as parallels in our lives.

In our society, men always seem to believe that they are better and greater than women and for years now women have competed for the idea of leadership and headship. Now is this right?
Men and Women were made for different purposes, we have different roles and this is how we were created. The most important thing to mention is that we are equal in value and dignity. God doesn't view men as being higher than women, nor the other way round. We are equally loved and valued to God. So how are our roles different?

In simple, Men were made to lead. However, this doesn't mean in a selfish arrogant way. Men should lead with grace and humility, asking and listening to advice and help from others, especially women. Where does this idea of leadership come? Well, from the Bible.

1. Adam was made first
2. Adam represented the human race
3. Adam named Eve woman, like God named Adam - the one who gives the name has the position of authority
4. God named the human race "man" not "woman"
5. Adam was accountable for Eves sin - After the fall God came and asked Adam what had happened.
6. Eve was made for Adam. She was made as a helper. Now helper isn't an offensive, down grading term because it is often used for God, "God is our helper"
7. After the fall, God placed conflict between Adam and Eve. "Your desire will be for your husband and he will rule over you ". Some scholars have interpreted this to mean that women will resist the authority Men have over them.
8. Ephesians - women submit to your husbands and husbands love your wives.
9. Ephesians - Paul refers to the mystery of Adam and Eve to Christ and the Church. Jesus is the head of the Church and the church is subject to His authority. This is the same for Husband and Wife, The husband is the head of the marriage and the wife is subject to his authority.
10. Parallel with the trinity - God the father has authority over God the son and it is even mentioned that God the son sits at the right hand of God the father. However, they are both equal in their attributes but there is a difference in role.

It is important to mention that having the position of authority doesn't mean there is more skill involved, that the person has a better talent in it. Just like God the father and God the son, they have the same attributes, they are both all loving and all knowing.

I've noticed that in our culture, women are trying to take the lead and men are taking advantage of their position of authority. Women need to realise that submitting to their husbands and loving them and serving them is actually how we were created and if you allow it you will feel the peace in your spirit. And Men need to realise that women are blessed with wisdom and that they are there to encourage and support. When in a marriage the husband has the responsibility to make the decision in something, however this should be done after discussion with their wife and should be made with respect and love for her. You shouldn't take advantage of your position and this is linked to the verse in Ephesians where it says "Husbands love your wives".

So, what was the purpose of this post? Maybe to make us all think about our roles and how we can start living the way we were created. We were made different for a reason and we should embrace that.

My Mystery...

As my head reaches my hands

Tears begin to gather and blur my vision

Who are you in my life?

Why have I allowed you back in?

Once upon a time all we had was love

But now there is so much unspoken

Mystery in both our lives

And so much pain caused.

Tears roll down my cheek

Like they did back then

How many times am I going to allow you to hurt me again

But goodbye seems so much harder

Why?

We both need the answer but what’s the question?

Where do we go from here?

Do we repeat the same mistakes?

What is it about you?

I think you’re a mystery I just need revealing.

My mystery.

Loving when it's not asked

Random acts of kindness...how many of these do you do a day?
And if you do them, do you do them when people can see or so they find out that you've done it.
Sometimes kindness should be done in secret because it makes the act a bit less selfish because you know that you'll get attention from it and people will think you're good for doing it but that gives the intention the wrong motive.

Think about it. And if you don't do random kindness stuff, get off your arse and think of others because wouldn't you love it if someone did it for you?

Now what's the title?

Do you start with the post or with the title?
The lyrics before the tune?
The mind before the heart?
The thought before the action?
The cry before the laugh?
The milk before the tea?
The stress before the work?
The book before the film?
The last before the first?
The eyeshadow before the mascara?
The shower gel before the shampoo?
The end before the beginning?